IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Due to high unemployment rate in some countries, pupils should be offered only primary education and not secondary education since there is no jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Unemployment in many countries becomes Major issue. Some people believe that students should be offered only primary learning and not secondary
information
Punctuation problem
information,
show examples
 since there are no jobs. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Secondary
education
Use synonyms
 is important in the development of
student's brain
Check wording
students' brains
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is necessary to have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 degree so that students gain more exposure and knowledge in their field.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is no company or workplace are there which requires any certificate. They can get a job without any degree or certificate,
likewise
Linking Words
 in spacex company.
Whereas
Linking Words
, secondary
education
Use synonyms
 is important because you meet a lot of people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school,
you
Correct word choice
and you
show examples
have
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 knowledge.
whereas
Linking Words
, in secondary only you meet many people, and your ability to remember things is very low.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in secondary
education
Use synonyms
, you can participate in extracurricular activities in your schools
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, so there are future opportunities . To get
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
, you need interest , and nowadays you can open many startups as you can. A lot of jobs are
there
Correct word choice
available
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, secondary
education
Use synonyms
 is a period which never comes back again, so
do many experiments
Correct word order
many experiments are done
show examples
 there which you can do as lifelong
experience
Check wording
experiences
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there is no direct effect of secondary
education
Use synonyms
 on jobs ; it's totally different , it depends on a person's ability , not any certificate. I totally believe that everyone should get higher
education
Use synonyms
 so that they can experience each and every things.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Keep your main idea clear from start to end.
task response
Give stronger reasons for why secondary school is important. Some ideas are not fully explained.
task response
Use one or two clear examples that match your point. Your example about jobs is not clear enough.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as first, also, and finally. Do not repeat the same link too much.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order inside paragraphs. Some sentences do not connect well with the idea before them.
task response
You gave a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to add more than one reason to support your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • primary education
  • secondary education
  • employability
  • entrepreneurship
  • educational reforms
  • economic growth
  • skilled workforce
  • job market
  • opportunities
  • critical thinking
  • advanced skills
  • self-employment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: