IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to population growth many people these days live in apartments with limited space and no out door areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

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Use synonyms
Population
Correct article usage
The population
show examples
 is on
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
 these days
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 people have started living in flats with limited area and no
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
 grounds.
This
Linking Words
 issue has sparked considerable debate .
This
Linking Words
 essay will present
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of living in buildings. One of the positive implications is that living in
apartments
Use synonyms
 is secure.
Apartments
Use synonyms
 offer
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level
security
Change preposition
of security
show examples
.In the
apartments
Use synonyms
 ,CCTV cameras are installed
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 provide security.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , these
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
 are in
continueous survillance
Correct your spelling
continuous surveillance
 because of
this
Linking Words
 reason crime rate has significantly reduced. Another advantage
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is cost reduction.In
apartments
Use synonyms
 cost of living is
comparitively
Correct your spelling
comparatively
 low.
For instance
Linking Words
,
apartments
Use synonyms
demands
Correct subject-verb agreement
demand
show examples
 less electricity and gas consumption
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
; as
show examples
 a result
living
Punctuation problem
, living
show examples
 in
apartments
Use synonyms
 is
cost effective
Correct your spelling
cost-effective
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
apartments
Use synonyms
 are meeting the rising demands of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 . They can accomodate large number of people in very
less
Correct determiner usage
little
show examples
 space.
For example
Linking Words
, China has
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
number of
Check wording
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in the world. The people in
china
Capitalize the proper name
China
show examples
 are moving
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 flats to meet the increasing demand. In
this
Linking Words
 country
Use synonyms
apartments
Punctuation problem
, apartments
show examples
 offer an efficient way to cope with
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, living in
apartments
Use synonyms
 has some major disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 have no
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
 space
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
 to which many health problems can occur. Open areas are very
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for our health.As these areas offer
Correct article usage
the
show examples
best place for exercise and improving mental health .A report published by WHO suggests that spending time in
park
Check wording
parks
show examples
 and open areas
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 anxiety and depression. A
further
Linking Words
 point worth considering is
utilization
Correct determiner usage
the utilisation
show examples
 of non-renewable energy. It is very hard to adopt renewable energy sources in
apartments
Use synonyms
 .
For instance
Linking Words
, We ca not set solar
pannels
Correct your spelling
panels
 in
apartments
Use synonyms
. Taking everything
in accounts
Change preposition
into account
show examples
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
apartments
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not fully
overweigh
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Thus
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should make a policy that every building must have some outdoor spaces for the betterment of society.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
accquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
 a balanced and sustainable approach is necessary.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly from the start. Say if the good points are stronger or the bad points are stronger.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. Some ideas are good, but they need one more clear reason or result.
task response
Use examples that feel more direct and more real. Keep them short and clearly linked to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas flow more smoothly from one sentence to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas in one paragraph and avoid sudden jumps.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully and correctly, such as 'however', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your final view at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your points, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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