IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You have a problem with a recently hired employee in your workplace. Write a letter to the HR manager. In your letter: Describe the problem the problem the new employee has caused. Explain how other employees bout the new employee's conduct. Say how you expect the HR manager to adress the situation.

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my disappointment about the new intern appointed in
an
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the
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 IT department. There is a negative impression created by him on other colleagues and me.
This
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 new intern has communicated with the
client
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 without knowing the working conditions, and now we are facing issues in dealing with the
client
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on
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, on
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 giving false commitments.
This
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 act is unacceptable
,
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;
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 he should have informed us before giving any final agreement.
Due to
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this
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, my other team members were affected
,
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;
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 they had to stretch their working hours to fulfil the new requirements.
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 situation of extra workload was tiring and created a wrong image among other employees.
Furthermore
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, I accept that a new employee should not be allowed to connect with a
client
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 directly at the beginning of his tenure, but he should inform us about it beforehand and can handle the situation with his sense of presence.
Although
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 the problem can be solved with temporary actions, I believe some working policies and
client
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's introductury sessions would be arranged by the HR team. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to seeing positive action taken in
this
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 regard. Yours faithfully, David Smith

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task response
Task response: You answer all parts, but some ideas are not fully clear. Say more clearly what exact action HR should take.
task response
Task response: Your tone is mostly formal, but some lines are a bit unclear. Keep your requests direct and polite.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The letter has a clear start, middle, and end. But some sentences are hard to follow. Make links between ideas more simple.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Try to keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your letter easier to read.
task response
Task response: You cover the problem, the effect on the team, and what HR should do.
task response
Task response: The letter uses a formal opening and closing.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your paragraphs help show different parts of the message.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The order of ideas is mostly logical.
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