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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show units of eletricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selectiong and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie charts outline sectors of electricity manufacturing by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000 .
Units
Use synonyms
 are measured in numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
chart
Use synonyms
 , which consist from 100
units
Use synonyms
, depicted the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 for coal,
while
Linking Words
hydro
Correct word order
the numbers for hydro power and natural gas
show examples
power
Use synonyms
 and natural
gas
Use synonyms
 number were similar.The other graph , which includes 170
units
Use synonyms
 in 2000, showed the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 for coal,
while
Linking Words
 the proportions of natural
gas
Use synonyms
 and
oil
Use synonyms
 were invisible. Regarding 1980,the
chart
Use synonyms
 which consist 100
units
Use synonyms
 outlined the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 for coal production in 1980 for 50
units
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of natural
gas
Use synonyms
 and hydro
power
Use synonyms
 was similar, accounting for 20
units
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
oil
Use synonyms
proportion
Use synonyms
 was slightly less.Turning to the
chart
Use synonyms
 with 90
units
Use synonyms
, coal was the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 ,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as natural
gas
Use synonyms
, which made up 25
units
Use synonyms
.The
oil
Use synonyms
 consumption stood at 20
units
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 was slightly lower, at 15
units
Use synonyms
. Regarding 2000, the
chart
Use synonyms
 with 170
units
Use synonyms
 depicted 130
units
Use synonyms
 for nuclear
power
Use synonyms
, which was the highest of
chart
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, hydro
power
Use synonyms
 stood at 36
units
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 natural
gas
Use synonyms
 and
oil
Use synonyms
 proportions were the same, accounting for 2
units
Use synonyms
 respectively.The
chart
Use synonyms
 with 180
units
Use synonyms
 included 126
units
Use synonyms
 of nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 , and the same
proportion
Use synonyms
 for coal and
oil
Use synonyms
, at 25
units
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words units, chart, proportion, power, gas, oil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "depicted" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "outline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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