IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is a debate regarding the
payment
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systems
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, which are about
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 may not be able to
use
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 paper money for their shopping in the
future
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. From my perspective,
this
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 could
be
Verb problem
apply
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happen
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 not in the near
future
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.
Additionally
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, the community might not be pleased to solely rely on using credit cards or smartphones. Regarding
payment
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systems
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, lots of things have changed
for
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over the
show examples
 centuries. In the very
begining
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beginning
,
people
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 used to exchange their belongings to buy a new thing. Afterwards, they started using gold or silver coins for their payments. After urbanisation,
people
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 started using both physical and digital
payment
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systems
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like
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, such as
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 paper money and credit cards. As for digital methods, technological advancements have played a pivotal role in them. Online applications and platforms have provided convenience and easy access to the general public.
Therefore
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, in the
long
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distant
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future
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,
payment
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systems
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 might be shifted to only digital ones.
However
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,
this
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 is not possible in the near
future
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, and
this
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 will be discussed
accordingly
Linking Words
. For some citizens, technology is very new
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they might find it difficult to
use
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in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 their daily lives.
For instance
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, most
people
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 among older generations still lack utilising these
systems
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due to
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 not being familiar with them. Unlike the young generations, they
had
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were
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 not born in the technological era
,
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;
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 because of that, they rely on physical paper money.
Additionally
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, financial fraud is much more common in digital
systems
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.
As a result
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 of
this
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, they might not want to
use
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 them only, and prefer using cash to using credit cards or mobile phones.
To conclude
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, technological improvements have given the public much more convenience. They can easily access digital platforms on their phones whenever they are,
therefore
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, they can do their payments digitally on time.
However
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, older generations cover the vast majority of the population, and most of them are not interested
to
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in using
show examples
use
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 them in their lives and do not trust these
payment
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 methods.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say cash may end in the far future, but you should explain more clearly why this may happen.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples. Your example about older people is useful, but it needs more detail.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Try to explain each main idea step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, body, and end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used well, but a few sentences are not smooth. Try to connect ideas more naturally.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph is a little long and mixed. Keep one main idea in one paragraph.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main view is clear: this may happen, but not soon.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay moves in a clear order from one idea to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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