IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that old buildings, such as town halls and art galleries, should be restored, even though this can be costly. Others argue that governments should replace them with new, modern buildings. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
People
Use synonyms
 have different opinions when it comes to preserving old
buildings
Use synonyms
 like town halls and art galleries.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it should be restored, despite the cost, others believe that it should be replaced with new and modern
buildings
Use synonyms
. I personally feel it should be preserved;
however
Linking Words
, not at the expense of other major priorities. Individuals supporting the preservation of old sculptures argue that these
buildings
Use synonyms
 preserve history.
This
Linking Words
 is because these
buildings
Use synonyms
 connect with the past. By restoring these
Use synonyms
buildings
Check wording
building
show examples
 materials and
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
,
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation could feel the type of materials used in past, and
also
Linking Words
 they can compare those structural designs to present building models. If youth could see that uniqueness, they are more likely to be more proud of history.
For example
Linking Words
,
Ajanta
Correct article usage
the Ajanta
show examples
 Caves in India
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
show examples
 the rich architectural design used by the workers at that time, attracting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from different
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 to witness that monument.
Consequently
Linking Words
, providing knowledge of historical facts and
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 preservation. On the other side,
people
Use synonyms
 holding an opinion to replace these old
buildings
Use synonyms
 with new and modern ones believe that money should be spent on other major facilities like
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
Cost
Correct article usage
The cost
show examples
 of restoration is sometimes huge
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compared to building a new building.
Healthcare
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 basic requirement for everyone. By saving the big amount, which was supposed to be invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those old
buildings
Use synonyms
, now
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
show examples
 to improve the infrastructure and
hiring
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
 more staff in hospitals.
This
Linking Words
 would provide better medical facilities.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 would not struggle to find affordable and good hospitals.
For example
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 of Dubai decided to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a significant amount of money on
healthcare
Use synonyms
, deducting the allocation from
restoration
Correct article usage
the restoration
show examples
 budget of old
building
Check wording
buildings
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, old
buildings
Use synonyms
 provides lot of information about history, and keep the youth
attach
Wrong verb form
attached
show examples
 to culture.
However
Linking Words
 , I believe
this
Linking Words
 should not come at the expense of money that could be
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
show examples
 for priority sectors like
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
Cost
Correct article usage
The cost
show examples
 of repair is sometimes more than
to create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 a new building, which could be spent wisely to improve medical facilities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the first side has more detail than the second side.
task response
Explain your opinion more clearly in the end. Now your view is a little mixed because you say old buildings should be kept, but also say money should go to health.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and clear. One example is good, but the Dubai example needs more detail or may sound unsure.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow. Some lines are hard to understand because the grammar breaks the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple and clear words like first, also, however, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear focus in each paragraph. Do not add too many ideas in one sentence.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: