IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce congestion,others think that building more and wider roads is the best way to reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Individuals have different opinions on
government
Use synonyms
 investments when it comes to rail or road transport.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue
to invest
Change preposition
for investing
show examples
 more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 building
trains
Use synonyms
 and subway lines, others believe that more investment should be
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
 to construct more and broader
roads
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the views before concluding
spending
Correct word choice
that spending
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money
Use synonyms
 on rails network is more
worthy
Correct word choice
worthwhile
show examples
 to reduce
Use synonyms
traffic
Correct article usage
the traffic
show examples
 problem. On one side, proponents of
thought
Correct article usage
the thought
show examples
 to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on expanding
trains
Use synonyms
 and subways believe that railways are preferred by
large
Correct article usage
a large
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number
Check wording
portion
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 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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. It is because
this
Linking Words
 method of commuting is cost-efficient. As
people
Use synonyms
 can travel longer distance in less price for
ticket
Correct article usage
a ticket
show examples
, they save
money
Use synonyms
 on travelling.
As a result
Linking Words
, more
people
Use synonyms
 preferred to travel via
Use synonyms
trains
Check wording
train
show examples
.
In addition
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, railways are safer.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
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 facts that
trains
Use synonyms
runs
Correct subject-verb agreement
run
show examples
 on the independent tracks. Running on independent tracks,
trains
Use synonyms
 do not have to suffer from frequent
collision
Check wording
collisions
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, which means less blockage because of accidents.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 reduces the
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion problem.
For example
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, with the
introductions
Check wording
introduction
show examples
 of
metro
Correct article usage
the metro
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 in Delhi,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 of Delhi reported a significant decrease in
traffic
Use synonyms
 collision
report
Check wording
reports
show examples
, resulting in less
traffic
Use synonyms
 on report. On the other side,
people
Use synonyms
 who believe spending
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 budget more on expanding and constructing more
roads
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 vital to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
 because wider and more
roads
Use synonyms
 can
accompany
Verb problem
accommodate
show examples
 more vehicles.
This
Linking Words
 is because
traffic
Use synonyms
 is caused
because of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 more loads on the available
lanes
Use synonyms
 to drive. Sometimes
lanes
Use synonyms
 are closed
due to
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 construction
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or accidents, which results in
load
Correct article usage
a load
show examples
 on the
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 number of
lanes
Use synonyms
 available. If there were more available
lanes
Use synonyms
 or wider
lanes
Use synonyms
,
than
Correct word choice
then
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 there would be extra space to accommodate the
traffic
Use synonyms
 flow.
For example
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, in
single lane
Correct your spelling
single-lane
roads
Use synonyms
, if there
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 one extra lane,
people
Use synonyms
 would not have to wait to clear the road after the accidents to move their
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
.
As a result
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, there would be less
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion.
To conclude
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,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could invest
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
roads
Check wording
road's
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 width and introducing more
lanes
Use synonyms
 to avoid
traffic
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, I still believe
money
Use synonyms
 should be
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 first on improving the rail network as
this
Linking Words
 reduces the burden on
roads
Use synonyms
 and are cost efficient.
Therefore
Linking Words
, less chances of collision, resulting in
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but one side has a bit more support than the other.
task response
Give ideas in a simpler and clearer way. Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar mistakes.
task response
Use examples with more clear detail. Your Delhi example is good, but it needs better wording and a more exact result.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas smoother. Words like 'however', 'therefore', and 'as a result' are used, but sometimes the flow still feels weak.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check repeated ideas and repeated words like 'traffic' and 'lanes'. Try to vary them a little.
task response
You answered all parts of the question and gave your own opinion clearly in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used cause and result ideas well in many places.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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