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Writing Samples
Band 6

In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

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Nowadays, it is estimated that
children
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 are spending more
time
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 with their
friends
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 and less
time
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 with their families.
Although
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 there are several reasons for
this
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, I would highlight two. On one hand, there is the
parents
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' inability to spend
time
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 with them
due to
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 work; on the other, the
children
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's lack of willingness and motivation to spend
time
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 with their
parents
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. On
this
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 stage, some
parents
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 force their
children
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 to spend
time
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 with them at home, whether to make them obey or to compensate for their absence. Personally, I am not in
favor
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favour
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 of forcing
children
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 to stay at home, as it only gives them more of an incentive to be out. First of all, I believe that a lack of
time
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 is the primary factor behind
this
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 trend, as
children
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 spend less and less
time
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 with their
parents
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due to
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 the
parents
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' daily routines.
According to
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 a study by the Ministry of Childhood, three out of five
parents
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 report feeling exhausted and lacking the energy to play with their
children
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 after returning from work.
Furthermore
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, many
children
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 are raised by others because their
parents
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 work all day, leading them to identify with different people and social dynamics. It is to be expected,
then
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, that upon reaching a certain age,
children
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 will form other bonds and have no desire to spend
time
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 with their
parents
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, even if they do have the
time
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 available for them.
Secondly
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, some
children
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 find healthier and more enjoyable relationships outside the home than within it, given that many families face domestic friction
and
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, and
show examples
children
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 prefer to escape by spending
time
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elsewhere
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.
For example
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, a survey was conducted at a school among 7-year-old
children
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, asking them with whom they would like to spend Christmas; 20% indicated they wanted to spend it at
friends
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' houses. The results show that, once
children
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 reach the stage where they can decide where and with whom they prefer to be, some choose to spend
time
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 with people outside their family
due to
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 a greater sense of closeness and a desire to share experiences with them. They were
also
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 asked about supervision and the schedules governing the
time
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 they spent outdoors. Many stated that they felt sad when their
parents
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 called them to come inside, and some expressed a preference for playing with
friends
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 rather than with their
parents
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. In conclusion,
due to
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 the pace of modern life,
children
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 cannot spend enough
time
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 with their
parents
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, whether they want to or not.
Also
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, older
children
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 who have already experienced their
parents
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' lack of
time
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 mostly prefer to spend
time
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 with their
friends
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, as they have already identified with them and formed stronger bonds.

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task response
Answer the second question more fully. You say parents should not force children, but you can add one more clear reason.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your main idea the same in each body part. In one part, focus only on work time. In the next part, focus only on home problems or friend bonds.
task response
Some examples feel weak or not fully real. Use simple and clear examples that directly support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, because, so, and however.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main topic.
task response
Your conclusion matches your main ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic commitments
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Technology and social media
  • Peer acceptance
  • Independence
  • Family dynamics
  • Cultural norms
  • Individualism
  • Parental enforcement
  • Family bonds
  • Social development
  • Autonomy versus guidance
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