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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the percentage of employment in 3 sections from 1970 to 1995.

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The line graph illustrates the rates of employment in 3 sections from 1970 to 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
,farming, fishing and
foresting
Replace the word
forestry
 remained stable from 1930 to 1960,
while
Linking Words
 they decreased significantly from 1990 to 2010
,
Correct word order
. In addition, this
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
 which was the highest point in 1930
,
Punctuation problem
. On
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on the other hand
Linking Words
, industrial, sales office, technical and other services showed some fluctuations throughout the year. At the beginning, farming, fishing and foresting slightly stable at levels of 77%, 76% and 75% respectively from 1930 to 1960, before decreasing to approximately 60%, after
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 they decreased sharply to 10% in 2000, they reached the lowest number of employment at nearly
to
Change preposition
apply
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zero. industrial, sales office and technical , they showed some fluctuations.
industrial
Check wording
Industrial production
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 increased over the period, meanwhile other services decreased during
this
Linking Words
 decade.
technical
Capitalize the word
Technical
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 was the second highest
increased
Replace the word
increase
 to around 25% in 2010.
other
Capitalize the word
Other
show examples
 services remained stable at 10% from 1980 to 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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