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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line chart shows proportion of people aged over 65 between 1940 and 2040 in three countries

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The presented line graph demonstrates the percentage of senior citizens aged 65 in three specific countries, namely
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
, over a period of a century, from 1940 to 2040. It can be seen from
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 line graph that all three countries experience a significant upward trend in the percentage of their elderly population over the century. Specifically, the figures for
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
 increase steadily,
whereas
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
's proportion remains low for a long time, before rocketing to
top
Correct article usage
the top
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the
Change preposition
of the
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 ranking by 2040. In 1940, the
USA
Use synonyms
 headed the ranking with 9% of elderly residents, followed closely by
Sweden
Use synonyms
 at approximately 7%
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 the figure for
Japan
Use synonyms
 stood at 5%. Over the next 40 years,
while
Linking Words
 the figures for the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 rose steadily to around 15% and 14% respectively,
Japan
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's figure dropped slightly, roughly 3%. After 1980,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 witnessed
to
Correct determiner usage
a
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 climb to about 20% in 2010, overtaking America
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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stabilized
Change the spelling
stabilised
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 at 14%,
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 grew slowly to reach around 8% by 2020. Looking at the projections from 2020 onwards, the
numbers
Check wording
number
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 of older people in all three countries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 expected to grow fast. The percentages for the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
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 are predicted to rise to roughly 23% and 25% in 2040. Meanwhile,
Japan
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 is forecasted to witness a sharp increase after 2030. The figure for
Japan
Use synonyms
 will go up quickly to reach a peak of around 27% in 2040.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, sweden, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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