IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some organization believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Employers
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 have some regulations, creating an ongoing conflict
whether
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about whether
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 dressing styles have an impact on
employees
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'
work
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 performance.
While
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 a significant number of
companies
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 believe that
employees
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 ought to have a casual dress code, others argue that there is no evidence
,
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apply
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 demonstrating that physical appearance
cannot
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can
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 be a key contributor to
quality
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the quality
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 of
work
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. I strongly argue that
employees
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 should be free when they come to
work
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everyday
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every day
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 because
people
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 feel that their styles and physical features are not welcome by their
employers
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. On the one hand, a dress code can bring some long-term benefits which are essential for
companies
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. Since these
companies
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 conducting world-class projects have international collaborations, casual
clothes
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 are widely accepted in every culture and country.
As a result
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, these
clothes
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 show their respect and how seriously they take their
jobs
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 who
work
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 at a bank always put on a suit, and it demonstrates their respect for their customers.
Therefore
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, it provides an increase in customer numbers by doing their
jobs
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 seriously.
However
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,
people
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 have different styles and backgrounds, which are an integral part of their lives. Forcing
employees
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 to wear a standard frame confines their freedom, resulting in a decrease in their performance and efficiency.
This
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 places a strain on
people
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's minds and their budgets because
people
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 feel that their physical features may not be respected by their
employers
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, and they may spend an excessive amount of money to dress smartly. To illustrate, when First Nations'
people
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 wear their cultural
clothes
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 at
work
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, their
employers
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 may
criticize
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criticise
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 them why have some different
clothes
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 type than their company's policy.
Thus
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, it creates a serious conflict between
employers
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 and
employees
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, causing
people
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may
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to
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 lose their
jobs
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 because their culture is underestimated by policies. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that dressing smartly ensures some benefits, I firmly maintain that these policies trigger
people
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 to
abondon
Correct your spelling
abandon
 their
jobs
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 or spend an enormous amount of money because
people
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 are
forcing
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forced
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 to adapt
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companies'
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to companies'
show examples
 policies.

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task response
Score: 6. You answer all parts of the task, but your first body part is not clear. It says companies want a casual dress code, but then it talks about suits and smart dress. Keep one clear idea in each part.
task response
Make your opinion more balanced. You can say that smart dress is useful in jobs with customers, such as banks, but most workers should have some choice if their clothes are clean and right for the job.
task response
Your example about First Nations people is interesting, but explain it in a simpler and more direct way. Say how a strict rule can hurt workers and how a company can allow cultural clothes.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Your main order is good, but some links do not match the idea. For example, “As a result” is followed by a point that does not clearly come from the sentence before it.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words all through the essay. Do not mix “casual clothes”, “smart dress”, and “standard frame” when you mean different things. This will make your view easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
End each body part with a short point that links back to the question. For example: “For this reason, smart dress can help firms build trust with customers.”
task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. Your bank example helps show why smart dress can matter.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Words such as “On the one hand”, “However”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional appearance
  • company’s image
  • clients
  • confidence
  • professionalism
  • work performance
  • casual dress codes
  • relaxed work environment
  • formal attire
  • quality of work
  • productivity
  • success of the organization
  • client-facing roles
  • trust and credibility
  • employee satisfaction
  • employee turnover
  • judged based on contributions
  • work attire
  • business casual
  • dress code policy
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