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Writing Samples
Band 5

In schools and universities, girl tend to choose arts subjects, while boys choose science subjects. What is the reason? Should the trend be changed?

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In many academic organisations, the students choose their
subjects
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 depending on their gender , which is a general issue nowadays. Female tends to attract modules,
while
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 males choose
science
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subjects
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. In
this
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 essay i will describe
this
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 topic and give my opinion.
Firstly
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, Traditional gender stereotypes can make
lady
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ladies
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 feel that arts and caring
syllabus
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syllabi
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 are more suitable for them.
Moreover
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, there are many
schoolgirl
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schoolgirls
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 affected from thier families, they do not receive support from their parents when they pursue scientific fields.
However
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, when they have some skills in the arts, they find support from people around them.
For example
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, there is a study that says that the number of women in the fields of drawing, arts, cooking and design is higher than the
statistic
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statistics
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 of
men
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.
On the other hand
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, the total
of
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number of
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 boys in engineering and
science
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 is more than the number of girls.
Secondly
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, Boys may be encouraged to study
science
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 because these
subjects
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 are linked to technical and well-paid careers.
Furthermore
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, the boys found support from the people when they were studying
science
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subjects
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.
Also
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, they feel that they should choose something in
science
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 like mathematics, analytical, statistics, chemistry and physics.
That is
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 because
this
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 subject is hard and difficult compared to other disciplines.
In addition
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, some people believe that girls tend to be more emotional and sentimental than
men
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, who tend to be stoic and emotionally rigid.
Hence
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, the female shouldn't choose
subjects
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 in
science
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 like
men
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. In conclusion, from my point of view i disagree with that because
that is
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 the
subjects
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 don't depend on gender. Quite the opposite, everyone,
men
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 and women, can succeed in any field they love. All it takes is passion to excel and achieve success. So, the trend should be changed by giving both genders equal information, encouragement and access to all educational
program
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programs
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.

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Task response
Overall score: 5. Give a clearer answer in the introduction. Say that family views, school support, and job ideas cause this trend, and clearly say it should change.
Task response
Explain each reason more fully. For example, show how parents or teachers may guide girls to arts and boys to science from a young age.
Task response
Your example is too general: “there is a study” has no clear place, time, or result. Use one simple, clear example, or explain the point without a study.
Task response
Do not say that women are too emotional for science. This is not a strong reason and it goes against your own view that everyone can succeed in any field.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Paragraph 1 can be about family and social ideas. Paragraph 2 can be about jobs and school support. Then give your view.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. For example: “As a result, some girls may feel less able to choose science.”
Coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, such as support for girls in arts and support for boys in science. Add a new point instead, such as the need for teachers to show both boys and girls role models.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a stronger conclusion: repeat your view and give one or two ways to change the trend, such as fair school advice and equal support from parents.
Task response
You answer both parts: you give reasons for the subject choice and say the trend should change.
Task response
Your main view is clear at the end: men and women can do well in any field.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “Firstly”, “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender stereotypes
  • subject choice
  • social expectations
  • parental influence
  • career guidance
  • role models
  • equal opportunities
  • personal interests
  • natural ability
  • future career prospects
  • science-related fields
  • creative subjects
  • technical careers
  • well-paid professions
  • challenge stereotypes
  • break down barriers
  • encourage participation
  • make informed choices
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