IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business options. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Over the
few
Correct word choice
past few
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 decades,
climate
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change
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 has significantly threatened human lives and even
business
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 successes.
Climate
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change
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 affects the physical condition for labors negatively and forces companies to
take
Verb problem
incur
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 higher
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cost
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costs
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 for
energy
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.
However
Linking Words
, a range of new
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business
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businesses
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 to protect
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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environment
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 has been launched,
such
Linking Words
 as renewable
energy
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 and
electic vehcles
Correct your spelling
electric vehicles
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 I consider can generate
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 cycle in order to prevent
climate
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change
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 from progressing.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
it is clear that
Linking Words
climate
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change
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 cause work
environment
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 to deteriorate.
For instance
Linking Words
, when employees commute to the office in summer,
devastating
Correct article usage
a devastating
show examples
 heatwave would make them get heatstroke. By
this
Linking Words
 illustration, extremely high
temprarture
Correct your spelling
temperature
 allows workers to lower performances, resulting in
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 company's performance.
Moreover
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,
business
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 owners should take
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
 for maintaining
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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environment
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 for not only workers but
also
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 the quality of products, which leads to higher
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cost
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costs
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 for
energy
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.
Discribing
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Describing
 recent trends, the development of AI ends up increasing data
centers
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centres
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 that require a lot of air conditioning systems.
This
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 infallibly reflects the
cost
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 in order to continue
business
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, and even leads to
increasingly
Replace the word
increasing
 environmental destruction.
In contrast
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, despite the points outlined above, it should
also
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 be
recognized
Change the spelling
recognised
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 that
climate
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change
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 possibilities to create various
business
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opporttunies
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
For example
Linking Words
, not only electric
vehcles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 that do not produce
green
Correct word choice
greenhouse
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 gas
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been becoming
a main stream
Correct your spelling
mainstream
 in the car
industory
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industry
, but
also
Linking Words
 many new ventures for renewable
energy
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been born over
a
Correct article usage
the past
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 few years.
This
Linking Words
 trend
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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 the
maret
Correct your spelling
market
 to expand, resulting in economic growth.
In addition
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, the viewpoint for protecting
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 has been essential for even investors. Major
invest
Replace the word
investment
 companies tend to focus on ESG
comapnies
Correct your spelling
companies
 in recent years, which contributes to companies having more attention to the sustainable system.
This
Linking Words
 helps whole
business
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 players initiate activities related
with
Change preposition
to
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 prevention for
climate
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change
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, as experiencing economic growth. In summary,
business
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 people cannot be inevitable to have negative impact
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 the effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 employees' health and increasing
Use synonyms
cost
Check wording
costs
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 a wide range of new
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 for protecting envinment allows the economy to grow. I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 growth can create more environmental activities and
make
Verb problem
help
show examples
 them develop.

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Task response
Overall score: 6. Your ideas answer the question, but some points need more clear support. For example, explain how heat stops work: people may work fewer hours, make more mistakes, or need more breaks.
Task response
Make your opinion more direct in the opening and ending. Say clearly that, in your view, climate change is bad for business overall, even though it creates some new business chances. Or clearly say the other view.
Task response
Use examples that are more exact. Instead of only naming electric cars and clean energy, show the result: firms can sell solar panels, build charging points, and make new jobs.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, the point about AI and data centers is not linked clearly to heat and climate change. Explain the link, or remove it.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas more clear. For example: “As a result, firms may lose money.” Then explain why higher energy use also makes climate change worse.
Coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences with one main point each. This will make your meaning more clear.
Task response
You discuss both sides: climate change can raise costs and harm workers, but it can also create new work in clean energy and electric cars.
Task response
Your own view is clear. You say that new green business can help the economy and the environment.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph for each view, and a short ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “To begin with”, “Moreover”, “In contrast”, “For example”, and “In summary”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • climate change
  • impact
  • business
  • options
  • negative
  • positive
  • costs
  • production
  • profits
  • closures
  • services
  • products
  • market
  • opportunities
  • laws
  • rules
  • challenges
  • green products
  • demand
  • eco-friendly
  • thriving
  • industry
  • travel
  • agriculture
  • renewable energy
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