IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days, fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take an interest in the artists?

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Art
Use synonyms
 is considered to be
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
part
Use synonyms
 of all the cultures around the world.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
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, these days ,
people
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started
Verb problem
have started
show examples
 to put
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
science
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 ,
technology
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 , and
busienss
Correct your spelling
business
.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 my opinion , I think that happened because scientists changed our
life
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to
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 better , as you can see
life
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 now is so easy
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the past .
but
Capitalize the word
But
show examples
 I believe that
art
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 is the most important thing that we should encourage
people
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 to become more intresting about it ,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because it is a
part
Use synonyms
 of our
culture
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 and
life
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 . One reason why
people
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 turn their focus to
science
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 ,
technology
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 , and business is that sciencetists makes our
life
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 more easier after discovering
technology
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 than in the past .
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 example , nowadays , it is easy to find the information that you are looking for more quickly
,
Punctuation problem
. Science
show examples
science
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 makes a lot of
people
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 intresting about .
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the proper name
For
show examples
 example , to discover the world around
as
Correct pronoun usage
us,
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as the environment ,
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
show examples
 , and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space . We should encourage
people
Use synonyms
 in
art
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 by making a
compatitves
Correct your spelling
competition
, because some
people
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engoy apllying
Correct your spelling
enjoy applying
 in a
compatitive
Correct your spelling
competition
.
also
Linking Words
 , we can tell
people
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 about the
art
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 in the past and how important it was .
for example
Linking Words
 ,the individuals used to care about it as a
part
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 of their
culture
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 and counrty.
as a result
Linking Words
 , it is really important to back vivd for the
art
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 of our country and being intrested about it as
people
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 in past used to and as a
part
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 of us and our
culture
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 . In
concluion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
art
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 used to be
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital
part
Use synonyms
 of many cultures in the past , but peoples statred to being intersted about
science
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 ,
technology
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 and business . I think we should care about
art
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Linking Words
due to that
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it is a
part
Use synonyms
 of our community and
culture
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 .
and
Capitalize the word
And
show examples
 we
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 encourage
people
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 to care about it

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer is on topic, but the ideas need more detail. Explain more clearly why people choose business too. For example, business can give people jobs and money.
task response
Give stronger examples. Instead of saying that people can find information quickly, say how this makes them spend less time on art, such as going to a museum or making pictures.
task response
For the second question, give two clear ways to help. For example, schools can have art classes, and towns can hold free art shows or art days.
task response
Do not repeat that art is part of culture many times. Add new points, such as art can help people share feelings, learn about the past, and bring people together.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Keep one main idea in each body part. Body 1 can be only about why people choose science, technology, and business. Body 2 can be only about ways to make people care about art.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: start with your answer; body 1: two reasons; body 2: two ways to help; end by saying your main answer again.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are very long. Write shorter sentences. For example: “Science makes daily life easier. People can find facts online in a short time. Therefore, many people give more time to technology.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in the right place: “First”, “Second”, “For example”, “Because of this”, and “In conclusion”. Do not use “for example” two times for the same point.
task response
You answer both questions: why people choose science, technology, and business, and how to help more people care about art.
task response
Your main idea is clear: science and technology make life easier, while art is part of culture and life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “for example”, “also”, “as a result”, and “in conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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