Many women today are delaying getting married and starting a family. Give the reasons for this new trend. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
The world has greatly changed , and that includes the role of
women
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.
Women
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today
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are delaying getting married.
This
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also
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affects their ideas of starting a family.
This
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essay will examine the reasons for
this
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trend , and I will provide an assessment of whether it is a positive or negative development.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are multiple reasons why
women
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are delaying
marriage
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.
First,
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women
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today
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believe that education is a priority .
For example
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, they have amazing opportunities to pursue
university
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a university
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.
Also
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,
women
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view education as a platform for a future career.
Second,
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young
women
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today
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want to enjoy life as young adults.
For instance
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, travelling and discovering the world is a wonderful experience.
Also
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, spending quality time with best friends is possible.
Finally
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,
today
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, there is less social pressure from parents and friends.
Moreover
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, most parents encourage their daughters to continue their education. Many young
women
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attend University with their friends, so nobody is getting married,
thus
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reducing peer pressure.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I totally believe that
this
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is a tremendously positive development.
First,
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getting married at a later time ensures improved decisions.
For example
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, as girls get older, they develop better judgment.
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, with age, they become more mature and have more knowledge and perspective.
Second,
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improved decision-making reduces the odds of a future divorce. Getting married at an older age lessens the chances of picking the wrong partner,
thus
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lowering future divorce.
This
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also
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ensures a longer , happier
marriage
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.
Finally
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, delaying
marriage
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allows young
women
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to attend University, gain employment and save money.
In addition
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,
this
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would create more intelligent
,
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apply
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and fully rounded females, allowing for personal growth.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are multiple reasons why
women
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today
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delay
marriage
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.
Also
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, I strongly agree that
this
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is a positive sociological development.

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Task response
Score: 7. To reach 8, explain more about starting a family, not only marriage. For example, say why women may wait to have children after study or work.
Task response
Some examples are too general. Add one clear real-life example in each body part. For instance, a woman may finish university, work for some years, and then feel ready for a child.
Task response
Your positive view is clear, but add one small bad side and explain why the good side is still stronger. This will make your view more full.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your order is clear, but some points are very short. Join each idea to its example and explain the result before you move to the next point.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not use “Also” too many times. Use simple links like “As a result”, “Because of this”, and “For this reason” when they fit.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the main idea. You move between “women”, “young women”, and “girls”. “Women” is best for this essay.
Task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give clear reasons for later marriage and a clear view that this is positive.
Task response
Your main ideas are easy to see: study, work, travel, less pressure, better choices, and money.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a short end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “First”, “Second”, “For example”, “Also”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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