IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The decision between high salary and personal interests
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 always been a difficult dilemma.
People
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 nowadays increasingly value the quality of
life
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 some may prefer having a
high paid
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high-paid
 but monotonous
job
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 over
delightful
Correct article usage
a delightful
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 but unstable,
low paid
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low-paid
job
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,
whereas
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 others prefer the opposite. Though both stances are supported by reasonable considerations, I think it is more important to have a decent paid
job
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, despite
not
Correct pronoun usage
it not
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 being enjoyable. Some may assume that doing
jobs
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 that we are interested in can boost our working performances,
therefore
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 provide us with a sense of achievement.
Furthermore
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, without being forced to do
works
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work
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 we dislike, it alleviates a big part of the pressure in our lives. If
people
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 are passionate about their
jobs
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, they have more
motivations
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motivation
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 and curiosity to
maximize
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maximise
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 their
potentials
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potential
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 and push their limits. By devoting themselves to things they are fond of, it enriches
people
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’s lives and develops
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people's
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 quality of
life
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.
Nonetheless
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, I consider one’s quality of
life
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attributes
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to be attributed
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 to how
much
Correct determiner usage
many
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 assets one owns
the most
Rephrase
apply
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. It is undeniable that we can still manage to live a decent
life
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 in spite of insufficient money, but
this
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 does not hold true in the situation when
people
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 have to worry about basic living costs.
For instance
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, artists may
be
Verb problem
find
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 an appealing
job
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to
Change preposition
in
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 those who are enthusiastic about relevant fields.
However
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, not all
people
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 can depend on
this
Linking Words
job
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. Many even end up bankrupt or even homeless, despite their dedicated love
to
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for
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 their
job
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.
Hence
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, I deem a
high paid
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high-paid
job
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 an essential in our
life
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. Only if we are well prepared and capable of assuming the risks can we pursue our interests. Opting between personal interest and reality is always challenging. Enjoyable
jobs
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 offer
people
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 motivation and happiness,
while
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 tedious but
high paid
Correct your spelling
high-paid
jobs
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 provide
people
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 with
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 stable
life
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 and the capability of
further
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 pursuit. Based on the above-mentioned, I consider it more urgent and crucial to
prioritize
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prioritise
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 basic demands in
life
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 by earning enough money, even if the
job
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 is not the most fascinating.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer covers all parts of the question, but your main view is a little too strong. The task compares an enjoyable job with a high salary. You say a “decent paid” job is more important, but later call a “high paid” job essential. Make this point more exact: enough money for basic needs is important, but very high pay is not always needed.
task response
Develop the first view with one real example. For example, a teacher or nurse may earn less but enjoy helping people. This would make the two sides more balanced.
task response
Some ideas repeat, such as quality of life, money, and basic needs. Add one new reason instead: a job people enjoy may help them stay in the same work for longer and feel less stress.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The main order is clear, but some sentences are hard to follow because they are long or have too many ideas. Use shorter sentences and state one main idea at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas more direct. For example, change “Based on the above-mentioned” to “For these reasons”. This is simpler and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
In paragraph 2, the last two sentences say nearly the same thing about interest and a better life. Join them or use one sentence to give an example instead.
task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view: a job should pay enough money, even if it is not very enjoyable.
task response
Your artist example is useful because it shows why money can be needed for basic life costs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one view, your view, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Furthermore”, “Nonetheless”, “For instance”, and “Hence” help the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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