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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habitats in five Australian cities. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of results of
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
 and drinking habits by citizens in five Australian cities.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in five Australian cities had the lowest percentage,
while
Linking Words
 the majority of all five cities' residents went to a
cafe
Use synonyms
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea
instead
Linking Words
 of one where
people
Use synonyms
 tend
slightly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to buy
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
. Brisbane and Adelaide had the lowest proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
, with around 34%, where Hobart and Melbourne were about 36% and 42%, and Sydney had 44% of toal. Prior to
this
Linking Words
, sales of
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 in Hobert was dramatically increased by approximately 18% during the
last
Linking Words
 4-week period to 54%, overtaking the market leader, followed by the greatest sales revenue of
instant
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coffee
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 in Brisbane, which experienced a considerable rise by 19%, with about 53%. Meanwhile, only 49%, 46%, and 45% of
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 in Adelaide, Melbourne, and Sydney were sold. The figure showed that the rate of
people
Use synonyms
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to a
cafe
Use synonyms
 or tea
in
Verb problem
was
show examples
 mostly the highest in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and Hobert
with
Punctuation problem
with,
show examples
 respectively
plateaued
Wrong verb form
plateauing
show examples
 at 61%, 64%, 55%, and 63%.
Expect
Use the right word
Except
show examples
 in one city, Adelaide, where
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 used to go to a
cafe
Use synonyms
 but mostly tend to buy
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 the rate of
coffee
Use synonyms
 bought was just over
the one
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 of those who went to a
cafe
Use synonyms
 , with 50% against 49%. In conclusion, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who consumed
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 was much higher than buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
. It may be
due to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 spending less, or the taste is yummier.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, people, cafe, instant with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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