Some people believe that children should spend less time using smartphones and more time doing outdoor activities. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons and examples to support your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
There is no denying the fact that
children
Use synonyms
spend less time using smartphones and more time doing outdoor activities.
While
Linking Words
it is a commonly held belief that some people think that the best way to reduce a child's phone use is to let him play outside, there is
also
Linking Words
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
children
Use synonyms
spend more time at
home
Use synonyms
using their phones.
To begin
Linking Words
with,can learn from a smartphone.
In other words
Linking Words
, the internet has a huge amount of materiles can be beneficial for users.
In addition
Linking Words
, expand their knowledge of many things
and that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
leads them to build a good future for themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, research has shown that many
children
Use synonyms
who watches youtube every day in the English language he or she can speak English as well. Another point to consider, staying at
home
Use synonyms
can be beneficial. It is possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
staying at
home
Use synonyms
builds good relationships between brothers and sisters,
also
Linking Words
with their parents.
Moreover
Linking Words
, that keep them with good habits ,
such
Linking Words
as learning from
home
Use synonyms
how depent about them self and helping their parents with cleaning the house or washing the dishes.
To sum up
Linking Words
, despite people having different views, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
can use a phone in a positive way when their parents teach them how and at
home
Use synonyms
,and agood relationship between them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Score: 5. Your main view does not fully answer the question. The question asks if children should use phones less and do more outdoor activities. You mainly write about why phones and staying at home are good. State clearly that you disagree, then explain why outdoor time is not always better or why phone time can be useful.
task response
Make each main point fit your view. Your second point is about staying at home and family life, but it does not clearly show why children should not do more outdoor activities. Add a direct link, such as: “Outdoor play is good, but children also need some time at home with their family.”
task response
Give a more real and clear example. The YouTube example is useful, but explain it: for example, a child can watch short English lessons, learn new words, and then use them at school.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The first sentence has the wrong meaning. It says children already spend less time on phones and more time outside. Write: “Some people believe that children should spend less time on smartphones and more time doing outdoor activities.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each paragraph. Paragraph 1 can be about learning with phones. Paragraph 2 can be about family time at home. Start each paragraph with a clear main sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete, so the flow is hard to follow. For example, write: “Children can learn from smartphones.” Also write: “They can expand their knowledge.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they show a clear link. For example: “First,” “Also,” “However,” and “For this reason” are enough. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
task response
You give a clear view: you think phones can be good for children when parents guide them.
task response
You give two main points: phones can help children learn, and time at home can help family life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two body parts, and an ending. This makes the main shape easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “For instance”, “Moreover”, and “To sum up”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: