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Band 7.5

The three pie charts illustrate the amount of hours spent by undergraduates and postgraduates in comparison with a total student population in the British University library.

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The pie charts give information on the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent by undergraduates and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 in comparison with the total student population in the British University
library
Use synonyms
, expressed in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of all
students
Use synonyms
 spent between 1 and 7
hours
Use synonyms
 in the
library
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the highest percentage of undergraduates spent between 1 and 7
hours
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant
share
Use synonyms
 of
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 spent over 15
hours
Use synonyms
 in the
library
Use synonyms
. Regarding the
proportion
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 of all
students
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 who spent 1 to 7
hours
Use synonyms
 accounted for 50%, followed by
students
Use synonyms
 spending 8 to 14
hours
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
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,
students
Use synonyms
 spending over 15
hours
Use synonyms
 registered the smallest
proportion
Use synonyms
 at 15%. Concerning the
share
Use synonyms
 of undergraduates,
students
Use synonyms
 spending 1 to 7
hours
Use synonyms
 in the
library
Use synonyms
 registered the highest percentage at 63%.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by
students
Use synonyms
 spending 8 to 14
hours
Use synonyms
 at 28%,
whereas
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 spending over 15
hours
Use synonyms
 represented the lowest
share
Use synonyms
 at 9%.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 spending over 15
hours
Use synonyms
 accounted for the highest
share
Use synonyms
 at 51%.
Postgraduates
Use synonyms
 spending between 8 and 14
hours
Use synonyms
 came next at 32%,
while
Linking Words
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 spending 1 to 7
hours
Use synonyms
 registered the smallest
proportion
Use synonyms
 at 17%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 81%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, postgraduates, library, proportion, students, share with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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