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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The table illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
managers
Use synonyms
 who are
women
Use synonyms
 in five countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of
women
Use synonyms
 in the
Use synonyms
workfoce
Correct your spelling
workforce
 was higher than the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
famle
Correct your spelling
female
managers
Use synonyms
 in most countries.
In addition
Linking Words
, the US had the highest
percentage
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 of
women
Use synonyms
 in the
workforce
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 Sri Lanka had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female
managers
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. The only country
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
show examples
the highest
Correct word choice
a higher
show examples
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
managers
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 than the
workforce
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 is Australia,
while
Linking Words
 they
almost
Verb problem
have almost
show examples
 the same
percentage
Use synonyms
, Australia
workfoce
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 accounted for 42% compared with
managers
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 that are 43%.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Punctuation problem
contrast,
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 in Sri
Lanka
Add a comma
Lanka,
show examples
 there was a considerable gap between the
proportion
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 of female workers and
managers
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the greatest figure was in
Use synonyms
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
41
Punctuation problem
, 41
show examples
%,
while
Linking Words
 the
managers
Use synonyms
 was 9%
that is
Linking Words
noticeable
Correct article usage
a noticeable
show examples
 gap. In the other countries, the difference was smaller.
However
Linking Words
, in Japan the
different
Replace the word
difference
 was huge
also
Linking Words
, the
managers
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 less than half
workfoce
Use synonyms
 making up 17%,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 48%. In
us
Correct pronoun usage
the US
show examples
 and Egypt
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
and US
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the gap between the
managers
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 and the
workforce
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 was lower
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in Egypt
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
Use synonyms
workfoce
Correct your spelling
workforce
 was higher, where it was 20% , and the
managers
Use synonyms
 12%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in the
US
Punctuation problem
US,
show examples
 the
managers
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had the
show examples
 smallest
Use synonyms
percentage
Punctuation problem
percentage,
show examples
 reached 43%, and the
workforce
Use synonyms
 stood at 46%. Only one country has a higher
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in managerial positions, and
that is
Linking Words
 Australia

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is, whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, workforce, managers, women, workfoce, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 6 times.
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