IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

** *In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones.* *Do you think this will happen one day?* *Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?* Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is a belief that
cash
Use synonyms
 will not be an option for completing a purchase in the future. Alternatively, all payments should be
provided
Verb problem
made
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 by cards or phones. I can see why modern minds could be concerned with
such
Linking Words
idea
Correct article usage
an idea
show examples
: the
techological
Correct your spelling
technological
 progress has reached its peak recently. It is hard to imagine a person walking out of
door
Correct article usage
the door
show examples
 without a phone in their hands. Even kids are now savvy with the newest
techologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
. Of course, fintech companies and banks try to keep pace with the changing world, implementing new payment methods, which
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
show examples
 to enhance
client’s
Check wording
clients’
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 experience and decrease money laundering. I personally do not believe that a total “cancellation’’ of
cash
Use synonyms
 is possible in the
nearest
Correct word choice
near
show examples
 future.
Firstly
Linking Words
, developing countries don’t have access to the wealth of modern
techologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
. It could be years
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 the progress will reach them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it seems quite unlikely that citizens of those countries, who have been using
cash
Use synonyms
 for dealing with their business for 20 years, will be implementing
ApplePay any time
Correct your spelling
Apple Pay anytime
 soon.
Secondly
Linking Words
, one of the most common
advice
Check wording
pieces of advice
show examples
 for people who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to save money is to convert them in
cash
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 method allows for managing money wisely and reducing impulsive purchases. The usage of
cash
Use synonyms
 is a common and usual way for many people to handle their finances. Deprivation of that right
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 could cause
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
show examples
 amount of debates and lawsuits. In conclusion, it is not a chapter when the world is ready to reject an opportunity to use
cash
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Estimated score: 6. Your main ideas are good, but you need to develop them more. Explain how poor internet, no bank account, or phone cost can stop people from paying by phone or card.
task response
Give a more direct answer to the first question. Say if you think cashless shops may become common in some places, but cash will still be needed in other places.
task response
Add one clear example from your own life or knowledge. For example: an older person may prefer cash because they do not know how to use a phone app, or a shop may only take cash when the internet is down.
task response
Your point about saving money is useful. Explain it more: when people hold cash, they can see how much they have left, so they may buy less.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one reason. Paragraph 1 can be about people and places without good tech. Paragraph 2 can be about privacy, safety, and control of spending.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not fully clear. For example, the first paragraph talks about tech growth, but it does not clearly say whether this means cash will disappear. End the paragraph with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple, clear topic sentences. For example: “One reason cash will remain is that not everyone can use digital payment.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ending is too short and a little unclear. Restate your view and the two main reasons in simple words.
task response
You give a clear view: you do not think cash will fully disappear soon.
task response
You answer both questions. You explain that some countries may not have the needed tech, and that cash can help people control spending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body points, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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