IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their product are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, many
of
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apply
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businesses
Use synonyms
 tend to emphasise the product as new. It seems to me
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 a positive development for customers to have alternative choices and benefits for the environment. One of the most positive reasons
,
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businesses
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 start launching thier poroducts come with new labels on their packages.
This
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 is the main reason
,
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 shoppers have more intention
to
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for
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 items which mention "New". They believe it is way better and the latest version of the products.
As a result
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, a number of companies start to emphasise their own stuff by printing a sticker with the new release and putting it on the boxes.
For example
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, Matt, the owner of video game consoles, has noticed that customers' attentions are relied on word says "NEW", "NEW VERSION" , or Just Released. Another reason that supports
this
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 is the fact that many
businesses
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 are trying to promote benefits for the environment in the same way.
This
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 is because New might come with another positive thing ,
such
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 as freindly environment or no animal testing. These will get attention from customers who care about nature or animals. To illustrate
this
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, in the
last
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 few years,
businesses
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 have contributed to many projects about how NEW can save the earth by upgrading items which not harm plants.
Although
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,
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 it might increase the cost of products. In conclusion, I believe
this
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 is mainly positive that
businesses
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 have intentions to start competition.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 becomes a good result for buyers they have more options to choose from. And, they
also
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 support the earth in the same way.

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overall score
Estimated score: 5. Your main ideas are clear, but some ideas do not fully answer the question and the links between ideas are not always clear.
task response
Explain the main reason more clearly: firms say a product is new because people may want the latest thing, and this can help firms sell more.
task response
Your first reason says customers have more choices. This is not the best reason for why ads say “new”. Focus first on sales, interest, and people wanting better products.
task response
For the positive or negative part, give both sides. For example, new products may be better or safer, but the word “new” can also make people buy things they do not need.
task response
The environment point needs more care. A new product is not always good for the earth. More new things can also mean more waste.
task response
Make your final view stronger. Say clearly why the good side is greater than the bad side, or say it depends on whether the claim is true.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then explain it and give one example. Do not put too many different ideas in the same part.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. For example: “This is because…”, “As a result…”, and “However…”. Avoid starting many sentences with “This is the main reason” or “Another reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the subject is not clear. For example, instead of “This is the main reason, shoppers have more intention to items”, write “This makes shoppers more likely to buy these items.”
coherence and cohesion
In the end, join the ideas more smoothly. A clear end could be: “Overall, this can be positive when firms give real improvements, but it is negative when ‘new’ is only used to make people buy more.”
task response
You answer both parts: you give reasons why firms use the word “new”, and you say it is mostly positive.
task response
You use examples, such as game consoles and products that do not test on animals.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive market
  • stand out from competitors
  • attract customers
  • consumer demand
  • the latest trend
  • product innovation
  • upgraded version
  • new features
  • improved performance
  • genuine improvement
  • marketing strategy
  • persuade consumers
  • encourage repeat purchases
  • replace existing products
  • unnecessary consumerism
  • impulse buying
  • misleading advertising
  • exaggerated claims
  • electronic waste
  • environmental impact
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