Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some individuals believe that
school
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should
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
educating pupils on dietary health and meal
preparation
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preparation,
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while
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other
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others
show examples
think institutional time is more essential for major
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subject
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subjects
show examples
.
Although
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focusing major
subject
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helps to score better marks on academic, teaching dietary
knowledges
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knowledge
show examples
helps them to be healthy from childhood.
Peope
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People
are more concern of their children academice, and
joine
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join
extra classes to improve their
grade
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grades
show examples
.
This
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because
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is because
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,
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apply
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most
of the university
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universities
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provide admission only for those who have
good
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a good
show examples
score during schooling. There is
believe
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a belief
that
good
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a good
show examples
score at
school
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,
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apply
show examples
will perform better in university. As as results, people
focuse
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focus
more on major
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subject
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subjects
show examples
in
shcool
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school
rather than other activities.
For example
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, many
A level
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A-level
higher secondary
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school
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schools
show examples
give admission only
those
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to those
show examples
students who have achieve A plus in
school
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. And those who are not able to get good marks, remain choosing normal
subject
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instead
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of
technical
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a technical
show examples
subject
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. I believe one who is good in
school
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under parents and teacher guidance, can be
spoil
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spoiled
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because of
friend
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the friend
show examples
circle they choose, if they
previouly
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previously
know what is good and bad to eat,
their
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there
show examples
is
high
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a high
show examples
chance they will not be
addicated
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addicted
in
collage
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college
.
However
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, if
Use synonyms
school
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schools
show examples
teach them about fat,
carbohydate
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carbohydrate
, or
nutritional
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nutrition,
which are
goods
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good
show examples
for health and enhance skills to prepare healthy food, it will
helps
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help
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them to be independent
as well as
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analyas
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analyse
before
intaking
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consuming
any goods.
This
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is because, when
school
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focuse on teaching them about good and bad
diet
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diets
show examples
, it
help
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helps
show examples
them to be more
concen
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concentrated
on their daily intake of food
,
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. On
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on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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they should not need to wait for their
gardans
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guardians
for
meal
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meals
show examples
.
For instance
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, when teacher teach
benefits
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the benefits
show examples
of fruits and
vegatable
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vegetables
, they
demands
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demand
show examples
to eat those things at home, because they trust
more to
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apply
show examples
their teacher as they have
spend
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spent
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more time with them at
school
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.
Therefore
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,
i
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I
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think teaching and giving
skils
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skills
to prepare
helathy
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healthy
foods
help
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helps
show examples
them to be healthy for long run. In conclusion, several individuals believe that
school
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should teach
dietry
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dietary
habits and improve skills
on
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in
show examples
it,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
believe that
school
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should only focus on traditional
academic
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academics
. Knowing about good and bad foods for
healths
Replace the word
health
helps them to be healthy, though good marks in
school
Use synonyms
provid
Correct your spelling
provide
better
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
in future.

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Task response
Score: 5. Your answer covers both sides, but some ideas are not fully explained. The point about friends, bad food, and addiction is not clear and is not closely linked to food study at school. Use more space to explain how food lessons help students in real life.
Task response
Make your opinion stronger from the start. Say that schools should teach both main subjects and basic food skills, but give more time to main subjects. Then keep this same view in every part.
Task response
Give one clear example for each view. For main subjects, explain that maths, science, and language can help students enter college and get work. For food, explain that students can plan cheap, healthy meals and avoid too much sugar or fast food.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The order is mostly clear, but some sentences are very long and hold too many ideas. Write shorter sentences. Put one main idea in each sentence.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body part. For example: “On the one hand, main subjects should have most school time.” Then: “On the other hand, food study is also a useful life skill.”
Coherence and cohesion
Some links are not smooth. For example, the move from grades to addiction is sudden. Remove this idea, or clearly show how it supports your point about healthy food.
Coherence and cohesion
Your last part repeats earlier ideas. Make it more direct: state both views in one sentence, then clearly say which view you support and why.
Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Your main idea is clear: food study is useful, but school subjects also matter.
Task response
You use examples about school marks, university entry, and fruit and vegetables. These examples are linked to the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
You use simple link words such as “Although”, “However”, “For example”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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