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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chat below show the percentage of second language classes taken by Australian secondary school students in two different cities in 2017.

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The provided diagram illustrates the proportion of secondary school students taking various
second
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 language classes in two Australian cities,
Melbourne
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 and
Sydney
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, in the year 2017. The units are measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that Mandarin accounted for the highest proportion of
second
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 languages taken in both cities compared to others. In general, Japanese consistently held the
second
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 position in both cities,
while
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 minority subjects like Italian and Indonesian were more popular in
Melbourne
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 than in
Sydney
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. In terms of the most favourite
second
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 languages, for the Mandarin language,
Sydney
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 accounted for the biggest portion at 45%, which was five per cent more than the figure of
Melbourne
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, which stood at 40%. Followed by Japanese language,
Sydney
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 outnumbered
Melbourne
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, with
Sydney
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 standing at 30% and
Melbourne
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 at 25%. Regarding the remaining languages, for the Other category,
Sydney
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 stood out at 15% and
Melbourne
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 at 10%.
On the other hand
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, for Indonesian and Italian,
Melbourne
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 outnumbered
Sydney
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, with 10% and 15% respectively, compared to a mere 5% for both subjects in
Sydney
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.

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task response
Score: 7. The answer covers the main data well. To get a higher score, make the main view more direct. Say that Sydney is higher for Mandarin, Japanese, and Other, while Melbourne is higher for Italian and Indonesian.
task response
Do not call Mandarin and Japanese the 'most favourite' languages. The chart shows class shares, not what students say they like. Use 'the largest shares' instead.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. The order is easy to follow, but some lines are too long. Use shorter lines to make each comparison clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating city names in one line. For example, write: 'Sydney was at 45%, five points higher than Melbourne, at 40%.'
coherence and cohesion
Use the same form for each comparison. This will make the last part smoother: 'Melbourne had higher shares for Indonesian and Italian, at 10% and 15%, while Sydney had 5% for each.'
task response
You give a clear main view and compare all five language groups in both cities.
task response
You use the right numbers, such as 45% for Mandarin in Sydney and 40% in Melbourne.
coherence and cohesion
Your work has a clear order: opening, main view, then two body parts.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Overall', 'In terms of', and 'On the other hand' help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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