IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

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The pie charts depict the electricity produced in
Germany
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 and
France
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 from all sources and
renewables
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 during 2009.
It is clear that
Linking Words
between
Change preposition
apply
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Germany
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 and
France
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had
Wrong verb form
have
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 different characteristics , with conventional thermal being the leader in
Germany
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,
while
Linking Words
 Nuclear for the other. In
Germany
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, conventional generated 59.6%, followed by Nuclear for 23%, and the remaining 17.4% from
renewables
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Nuclear is the highest in the latter, accounting for 76%. After that,
renewables
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 created 13.7%, and 10% from conventional thermal. The breakdown of
renewables
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 is biomass dominant at 39.5% in the former country,
while
Linking Words
 hydroelectric is leading in
France
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 at 80.5%. The second place for both counties is wind, which
marked
Verb problem
was marked
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 at 36.9% and 10.5% respectively. Solar was shown in
Germany
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, and has a very small amount in
France
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. In conclusion, conventional thermal is the most produced in
Germany
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 , and nuclear is the highest in
France
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. For renewable energy, Biomass is the majority
and hydroelectric in
Correct word order
in France, and hydroelectric is the minority
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France
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.

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task response
Estimated score: 6. Your answer covers all charts, but the main overview is not fully clear. State the biggest differences early: Germany used far more conventional thermal power, while France used far more nuclear power. Also say that biomass was biggest in Germany’s renewables, but hydroelectric power was biggest in France’s.
task response
Be more exact with comparisons. For example, France’s nuclear share was 76%, much higher than Germany’s 23%. Germany’s conventional thermal share was 59.6%, far above France’s 10%.
task response
Do not repeat the same ideas in the ending. Use the ending to give one short overall view, or leave it out if the overview in the first paragraph is strong.
coherence and cohesion
Make the overview a separate sentence after the first sentence. This will make the main message easier to see.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same pattern when you compare figures. For example: “Germany had X, while France had Y.” This makes the report smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are unclear or not needed. Instead of “After that”, use “By comparison” when moving from Germany to France. Instead of “the former” and “the latter”, repeat “Germany” and “France” when needed, as this is clearer.
task response
You give the main numbers for Germany and France, and you compare the two countries.
task response
You also describe the renewable energy charts and include key figures, such as biomass at 39.5% and hydroelectric power at 80.5%.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: all electricity first, then renewable electricity, then a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “In contrast”, “After that”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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