IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
There is an ongoing debate about whether building tall apartment blocks is the best strategy to address the housing shortage in big
cities
Use synonyms
. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because increasing the number of
apartemnts
Correct your spelling
apartments
 alone cannot address issues
such
Linking Words
 as housing affordability and quality of life. First of all, one of the reasons why building apartments alone cannot fully solve the housing shortage is that not everyone can afford the rent or housing prices. Even if more apartments are built to provide more housing for residents, many low-income families may still be unable to afford them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, building apartments alone cannot
sddress
Correct your spelling
address
 the problem, especially in
cities
Use synonyms
 where there is a significant gap between the rich and the poor.
Thus
Linking Words
, housing affordability should be considered a priority before implementing
this
Linking Words
 policy;
otherwise
Linking Words
, the housing shortage cannot be solved and may even become worse. Another reason is that public
spaces
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as parks, gardens, or plazas, may be converted into residential buildings, which makes
cities
Use synonyms
 less livable.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 public
spaces
Use synonyms
 allow
people
Use synonyms
 to enjoy spending quality time with their family, friends, or even pets in their free time.
In addition
Linking Words
, these places enable
people
Use synonyms
 to slow down their fast-paced
lifestye
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 and help them take a break from work or daily
responsibitilies
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
However
Linking Words
, a city without enough public
spaces
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can relax and enjoy themselves may reduce residents'
qulity
Correct your spelling
quality
 of life, which in turn makes
people
Use synonyms
 less likely to live in large
cities
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, improving housing affordability should be
prioritized
Change the spelling
prioritised
show examples
 rather than simply building a large number of apartment blocks. On top of that, a livable city should not only have enough housing but
also
Linking Words
 provide public
spaces
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can relax and enjoy their lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Score: 7. Your answer is clear and on topic, but explain more directly why tall blocks are not the best choice. For example, say that tall blocks can give more homes, but they are not enough without low-cost homes, good transport, schools, and green space.
Task response
Your first body paragraph repeats the same point: some people cannot pay for homes. Add one clear example, such as a low-paid family that cannot pay the rent in a new tall block.
Task response
In the second body paragraph, do not suggest that public parks must be turned into tall blocks. Tall blocks can also be built on old office land or other unused land. Explain that city plans should protect parks while adding homes.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your paragraph order is easy to follow. However, some sentences are long and repeat ideas. Make each paragraph follow this order: main idea, why it is true, example, and result.
Coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words such as “building apartments alone” and “public spaces”. You can use simple other words like “this plan”, “new homes”, “parks”, and “these places”.
Coherence and cohesion
Check spelling because it can make the reader stop: “apartemnts” → “apartments”, “sddress” → “address”, “becuase” → “because”, “lifestye” → “lifestyle”, “responsibitilies” → “responsibilities”, and “qulity” → “quality”.
Task response
You give a clear opinion from the start: you strongly disagree. You keep this view in the whole essay.
Task response
Your two main ideas are relevant: homes must be affordable, and cities need public places for a good life.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “First of all”, “Another reason”, “Therefore”, and “Overall” help the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
What to do next:
Look at other essays: