IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, community service is increasingly being used instead of prison sentences for minor crimes. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Recently, some countries have been using
community
Use synonyms
 services as a punishment for minor
criminals
Use synonyms
 rather than sentencing them.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 several negative outcomes, I believe that its positive consequences are far more significant. One major drawback of
offenders
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 in
community
Use synonyms
 services is that they could threaten public safety.
Were
Correct word choice
If
show examples
 governments
to
Verb problem
were to
show examples
 regulate
community
Use synonyms
-based punishment, there would be some chances for
offenders
Use synonyms
 to be
more free
Replace the word
freer
 to communicate with other people and behave independently. Unless police officer controled their behaviour strictly,
offenders
Use synonyms
 would be more likely to act in a violent manner and cause some
troubles
Check wording
trouble
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For instance
Linking Words
, they might attempt to
threat
Replace the word
threaten
 people and escape during
work
Use synonyms
 hours.
This
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, in turn, would ultimately lead to concerns of residents about reoffenders
to risk
Wrong verb form
risking
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 their security.
This
Linking Words
 demonstrates that regulating
community
Use synonyms
-based punishment might give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise to reoffenders, which places
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure on public safety.
However
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, one compelling argument in favour of using
community
Use synonyms
 services as a penalty for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
Use synonyms
 is that
this
Linking Words
 initiative could improve offender rehabilitation rates. When
criminals
Use synonyms
 are able to go out for a limited
hours
Check wording
number of hours
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 for only
work
Use synonyms
 purposes in a day, they will reintegrate into
Use synonyms
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 and watch people who have authority to spend their time in the ways they want. In turn,
criminals
Use synonyms
 will realise the importance of having freedom and rights, which leads them to repent their crimes. Recent
breakthrough
Check wording
breakthroughs
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 have found that a considerable number of
criminals
Use synonyms
 who were in
upaid
Correct your spelling
unpaid
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 managed to redirect their mindset and lead meaningful lives
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 contributing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Taken together, non-custodial sentences play a crucial role in rehabilitating and integrating
criminals
Use synonyms
 into the
community
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 using non-custodial sentences for minor
offenders
Use synonyms
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to some negative consequences, in my opinion,
beneficial
Correct article usage
the beneficial
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 effects provided by
this
Linking Words
 initiative are more important.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is clear, but some ideas need more care. The first body part says that control may make people more free. This is not clear. Say that if there is not enough control, some people may try to run away or hurt others.
task response
Give a more real and clear example. For example, say that a person who cleans parks may learn work skills and feel part of the local area. This can help them not break the law again.
task response
Explain why this should be used only for minor crimes. You can say that people who commit serious crimes may still need prison to keep others safe.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Each body part has one main idea, which is good. But some links between sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences. For example, split long sentences into two or three parts. This will make your point easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. Use “community service”, “minor offenders”, and “public safety” in a steady way. Do not switch too often between “criminals”, “offenders”, and “reoffenders” if you mean the same people.
coherence and cohesion
Your last line repeats your view, but it could be stronger. Add one short reason: community service can help minor offenders change while still giving them a fair punishment.
task response
You answer the question clearly. You say this is a positive change, but you also show one bad side.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: public safety and helping people change after a crime.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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