IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Hence, sugary products should be taxed to encourage people to consume less sugar.

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Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
 are consuming ready-made
food
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 and drink
products
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 many processed foods and drinks contain large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
sugar
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.
Although
Linking Words
 a small amount of
sugar
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 does not cause
health
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 issues,
Linking Words
however,
Correct word choice
apply
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eating too much can lead to
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of
health
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problem
Check wording
problems
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such
Linking Words
 as obesity, type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Some
people
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 argue that the manufacturers should make more expensive sugary
products
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 in turn would reduce consumption. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion or partly disagree because
rising
Verb problem
raising
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 the product price is not the only way to encourage
people
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 to use less
sugar
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products
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, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will present the reasons for my viewpoint. The first reason for holding to my view is that
people
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doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
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 have enough time to prepare home-made
food
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 and drinks, so avoiding
to consume the
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
 processed
food
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 is very hard
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
This
Linking Words
 can later become a habit. Because of
this
Linking Words
 point, increasing the cost of sugary
products
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 can notify
people
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 to be aware not to buy unhealthy items. In fact, the more expensive the product is, the less demand
to
Verb problem
there is to
show examples
 purchase
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
show examples
 Another reason for my view is that
alternatively
Punctuation problem
, alternatively
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, the best way to encourage
people
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 to choose
the more healthy
Replace the word
healthier
 items and discourage eating processed foods and drinks. Indirectly, the authority can educate
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 and schools to choose healthy meals through the programmes and campaigns.
For example
Linking Words
, in Singapore,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 Ministry of
Health
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 (MOH) and the
Health
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 Promotion Board (HPB) educate the community through
Nutri-Grade
Correct article usage
the Nutri-Grade
show examples
 labelling system, public mass media campaigns, and community partnerships programmes.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Healthy
Correct article usage
the Healthy
show examples
 Meals in Schools (HMSP) programme encourages healthier
food
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 and beverage choices in schools by providing
food
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 service guidelines
such
Linking Words
 as cutting down fat,
sugar
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 and sodium, serving
wholegrain
Replace the word
wholegrains
, fruit and vegetables and serving healthy set meals. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 making sugary
products
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 more expensive could encourage
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 method alone
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 enough to succeed. A combination of higher prices, education, and awareness is the best way to reduce
sugar
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 consumption and protect
people
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 for
long-term
Correct article usage
a long-term
show examples
 plan for their lifetime and improvement of public
health
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is clear, but your view is not fully clear. You say “partly agree or partly disagree”. Choose one: “I partly agree” is enough. Then say why the tax can help, but why it cannot work alone.
task response
Make the first main point stronger. You say busy people may still buy ready-made food, but explain why a higher price may not change this. For example, they may still buy it because it is fast and easy.
task response
Your Singapore example is useful, but it is very long. Use fewer details and explain more clearly how it helps people eat less sugar.
task response
Add one clear point about the tax itself, such as: the extra money could help pay for health work in schools or ads about healthy food.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order is good, but some sentences do not link well. For example, “Another reason for my view is that alternatively...” is not clear. Start with: “However, higher prices are not enough on their own.”
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. Body 1 can be about why a tax helps but has limits. Body 2 can be about education and clear food labels.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using “Because of this point” when the link is not exact. Say directly what you mean: “Therefore, a higher price may make some people think before buying these items.”
coherence and cohesion
Your last part repeats the main view well. Make it shorter and clearer: “In short, a sugar tax can help, but education and clear labels are also needed.”
task response
You give a clear view: you partly agree. You also give two main reasons and a real example from Singapore.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic. The point about price and the point about school and public learning both fit the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Although”, “Because of this”, “For example”, and “In addition” to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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