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Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays, people in many countries are increasingly following the latest fashion trends in clothing and hairstyles. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In many countries, people start to buy their clothes and make their styles
according to
Linking Words
 lastest fashion , and
this
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 has become a controversial affair.
This
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 essay will discuss whether moving with trends is going to be an issue for society or address the problems
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I strongly believe that the latest fashion has a positive impact on the world. A major factor contributing to
this
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 topic is that people can discover themselves and know what suits them very well, and one of the key advantages of
this
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 development is that after knowing what they like most, they should avoid buying new stuff
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, you should have balance too, and don't forget your real personality. Despite these benefits,
this
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 argument
also
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 has several drawbacks.
That is
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 , you should spend a lot of money to know yourself better, and what you like most.
This
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 would be a waste of money, and you would end up with a lot of unused items. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some disadvantages, I believe that the positive outweigh the negative
,
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;
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moreover
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, from my perspective , moving with trends leads to self-discovery.

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer deals with both sides and gives your view, but the main ideas are not fully explained. Explain how fashion helps people know themselves, and why this is good for society.
task response
Add one clear example. For example: “A person may try different hair styles and find one that makes them feel more sure of themselves.”
task response
Some ideas do not fit well. Saying people should avoid buying new things is not clearly linked to following the latest fashion. Make each point directly answer the question.
task response
Your view says the good points are stronger, but your good point is small while the bad point is clear. Give two strong good points, such as self-expression and jobs for clothes and hair workers.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Your first body paragraph has many ideas: self-discovery, buying less, balance, and real personality. This makes it hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple paragraph plan: introduction; one good point with an example; one bad point with an example; conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make linking words fit the meaning. “Therefore” is not clear in the first body paragraph because the idea before it does not lead to buying less.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid changing from “people” to “you”. Use one form all through the essay. For example, write “people may spend too much money” instead of “you should spend a lot of money.”
task response
You give a clear view: fashion trends are mostly positive because they may help people know themselves.
task response
You also mention a negative side: people may spend too much money and have unused clothes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, a paragraph about good points, a paragraph about bad points, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Despite these benefits” and “In conclusion” to show the change between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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