IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many students today graduate high school and wish to continue studying abroad. Give the advantages of studying overseas and the advantages of staying home.

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Introduction
There is no denying that many high school graduates want to study abroad.
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While it
Correct pronoun usage
It
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 is a commonly held belief that studying abroad is the preferred choice for young adults. There is
also
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 an argument that
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to stay in their home countries.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and
opini
Correct your spelling
opinion
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is easier to find a better job in the future.
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on
Capitalize the word
On
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 the other hand
.
Punctuation problem
apply
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, most companies are looking for
people
Use synonyms
 who have certificates from developed countries
such
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 as
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 USA ,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 United kingdom and Canada.
In addition
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, it encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to discover their personality and helps them to improve it.
For example
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,it allows them to get a better education and develop their skills. Another significant factor is that it has a positive effect on their future career.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, staying at home makes
people
Use synonyms
 feel more comfortable and find it more convenient.
it
Capitalize the word
It
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 is
also
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 possible to say that it saves money and
be
Wrong verb form
is
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 close to their family That helps students to achieve their goals.
Moreover
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, it gives them a sense of satisfaction and helps them focus on solving complicated tasks in a short period of time.
Conclusion
i
Correct your spelling
In
 conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question.On balance.
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however
Capitalize the word
However
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,I tend to believe studying overseas has several advantages.
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for
Capitalize the word
For
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 example,
people
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 feel more independent and stronger during difficult situations.
This
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 gives them more energy and confidence,and helps them become distinguished in their community.

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overall score
Score: 5. Your main ideas are clear, but some ideas are repeated, not well explained, or not fully linked to the question.
task response
Say the good points of each choice more clearly. For study abroad, write about better study, new life skills, and new work chances. For staying home, write about lower cost, family help, and knowing the local work system.
task response
Give one full example for each side. For example: a student abroad may learn to live alone and use a new language. A student at home may save rent money and get help from family.
task response
Do not repeat the same idea. “Better job”, “future career”, and “develop skills” are close ideas. Add a different point instead.
task response
Your first part is not fully clear because it begins with two opposite links: “On the one hand” and then “on the other hand”. Keep one main point in each part.
coherence and cohesion
Make your first paragraph shorter and clearer. The last word is cut off: “opini”. Write: “This essay will look at the good points of both choices.”
coherence and cohesion
Use links in the right way. “On the other hand” should begin the next main part, not come after “On the one hand” in the same part.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a clear order: main point, why it is good, then example. This will make each part easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The end should sum up both sides before your own view. Do not add many new ideas in the end, such as being stronger or known in the community.
coherence and cohesion
Check full stops and capital letters. Start each sentence with a capital letter, and write “In conclusion”, not “i conclusion”.
task response
You talk about both sides: study in another country and stay at home. You also give your own view at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. You use links such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “In addition”, and “Moreover”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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