IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

governments spends much more money for education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

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Not all Finance Ministries are efficient in expenditure. There is an
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 that public spending in education is higher than the optimum, and capital given to leisure activities should be increased. From my perspective, I firmly disagree with the given statement.
Initially
Linking Words
, education is the straight road to success and financial stability.
In other words
Linking Words
, it must be annually redeveloped,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and
show examples
investments in new technologies
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 inevitable to enhance the efficiency of graduates.
In addition
Linking Words
, high school learners are the future of
economical
Replace the word
economic
 transformation, which effectively means money spent on the improvement of
this
Linking Words
 sector will have extremely high returns potentially.
For instance
Linking Words
, Vision 2030 in Saudi Arabia focuses mainly on combining school subjects with creativity and critical thinking.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the Human Development Index ranked Saudi Arabia as second globally in gross domestic product growth.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, educational strategies require massive capital in comparison to temporary extracurricular activities that do not benefit national prosperity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, educating generations is considered a national obligation, the primary reason
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 that all people have the right to pursue secondary and high school and study in modern and advanced methods. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in Japan, where schools use artificial intelligence to accelerate feedback on assignments and help learners to think critically,
also
Linking Words
 millions are given annually to support young
innovatives
Replace the word
innovators
 to become entrepreneurs and contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the economy. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 leisure time is considered an essential right for people to enjoy
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, I completely believe finances should be spent heavily on educating minors robustly.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer deals with the question and gives a clear opinion. However, explain more clearly why more money for free-time activities is not the best use of public money. At present, you mainly say education is important. Add one short point about parks, sport, or art, then show why education should still come first.
task response
Some example claims are too strong or unclear. For example, the Saudi Arabia example says the Human Development Index ranked the country second in GDP growth. This does not clearly prove that school spending caused the result. Use a simpler, more direct example, or explain the link step by step.
task response
Your second body part says free-time activities are 'temporary' and do not help the country. This is too broad. Free-time activities can help health, jobs, and local life. Say that they are useful, but education should get more money because its long-term gains are greater.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order of ideas is clear, but some sentences are very long and hold too many ideas. Split them into two or three shorter sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part show the main point more directly. For example: 'First, public money for education helps people get better jobs.' Then explain and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. 'Also' is used to join a very long idea in the Japan example. Instead, end the sentence and begin a new one: 'Schools also give money to young people with new business ideas.'
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your opinion well. Make it stronger by naming both sides: free-time activities need some support, but education should get the larger share of public money.
task response
Your view is clear: you disagree. You give two main reasons: education helps people and the country, and it needs more money than free-time work.
task response
You use examples from Saudi Arabia and Japan. These make your ideas more real and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. This is a good overall plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as 'Initially', 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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