IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You would like to work for a company or organisation in a foreign country. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: • Describe the kind of job you would like to do • Explain which country or part of the world you would like to work in • Tell them why you are interested in working in another country

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Dear Sir, I am writing to request to work in one of the largest companies in a foreign country. I would like to provide details on
which
Correct determiner usage
the
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 kind of job I am looking for and in which part of the country. I would appreciate it if your
agency
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 could help me find one.
Firstly
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, I heard about
this
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agency
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 from my friend who recently got a job in
Canada
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 through your
agency
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. I am looking for a Business Analyst or Data Analyst
roles
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role
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 because I have developed
robust
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a robust
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 skill set in my past experience.
This
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 includes professional communication skills, coding, and profound knowledge in
banking
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the banking
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 domain. I would prefer mainly
Canada
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due to
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 its
economy
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economic
 growth and work culture. The reason why I would like to work in
Canada
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 is
balanced
Correct article usage
the balanced
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 work-lifestyle.
This
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 results in less burnout and higher productivity. I would appreciate it if your
agency
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supports to
Verb problem
could help me
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 find a job for me.
Also
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, please recommend other opportunities if the type of role is not available in
Canada
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. I have attached my resume for your reference. Please contact me if you have any
further
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 questions. Yours sincerely, Taylor

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task response
Give more clear details about the job. Say what work you want to do each day, and why your past work fits this job. Also name a part of Canada, such as Toronto or Vancouver.
task response
Explain more fully why you want to work abroad. You give work-life balance, but add one or two more reasons, such as learning from new people or building your work skills.
task response
Use more natural phrases: write “I am writing to ask for help finding a job” and “I would like to work as a Business Analyst or Data Analyst.”
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. However, the first paragraph repeats the same idea. Make it shorter and state your main request once.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. For example: paragraph 1 for your request, paragraph 2 for your job and skills, paragraph 3 for Canada and your reasons, and paragraph 4 for your final request.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Use simple words such as “Also”, “For this reason”, and “In addition” to show how your ideas connect.
task response
You answer all three parts: the job you want, the country you prefer, and a reason for working there.
task response
You give useful job skills, such as communication, coding, and banking knowledge.
coherence and cohesion
The letter uses a polite greeting and closing, and the final paragraph clearly asks the agency to contact you.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are mostly easy to follow, and the letter is in clear paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment agency
  • abroad
  • specific role
  • industry
  • qualifications
  • experience
  • cultural exposure
  • economic reasons
  • professional growth
  • career opportunities
  • reiterate
  • guidance
  • job search
  • motivation
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