IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Number of participants, by activity 2000–2020 Film club Martial arts Amateur dramatics Table tennis Musical performances Years: 2000, 2005, 2010, 2015, 2020 Number of participants: 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The graph illustrates how many
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 participated
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an Australian
cherity
Correct your spelling
charity
in Melbourne for five different activities in 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
figuer
Correct your spelling
figure
 of table tennis , music and movie club had surged throughout the
perioed
Correct your spelling
period
,
while
Linking Words
drama
Correct article usage
the drama
show examples
 sector had a dramatic decrease.
However
Linking Words
, the number of participants for arts recorded a fluctuation over the years. Moving to the details,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 2000, the film club participants were the highest at around 62,
whereas
Linking Words
 the music performance
ocurred
Correct your spelling
had
 the lowest number with 0
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the film sector had a slight
plateua
Correct your spelling
plateau
 between 2015 and 2020. Unlike the movie club, the number of arts fluctuated in all years from roughly 35 to 30. As for music and table
tennies sectores
Correct your spelling
tennis sectors
,
a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end , they increased considerably from 0 and 5 to 13 and 50
respectivly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
However
Linking Words
, the dramatic volunteers showed a significant decline at
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 3 in 2020.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: