IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Sending criminals to jail is not an effective method of dealing with them. Education and job training should be used instead, to what extent do agree r disagree

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In my point of view, I agree that education and job training should be used
instead
Linking Words
sending
Change preposition
of sending
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ciminals
Correct your spelling
criminals
 to jail because they need
fill
Verb problem
to fill
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 all the free time working and studying
for
Change preposition
apply
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to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better people and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 better opportunities in their lives. In the
past
Add a comma
past,
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 they were bad people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 made bad decisions , sometimes due
their
Change preposition
to their
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 poor lives. Criminals
in the
Change preposition
for
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 most
time in
Change preposition
of
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 their lives
not
Verb problem
do not
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knew
Wrong verb form
know
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 what is to be a good person because they used to be
and
Rephrase
around and
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dared
Verb problem
associate
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 with horrible people
Punctuation problem
. This is
show examples
this
Linking Words
 why many do not accept
this
Linking Words
 situation and turn into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
injuring
Punctuation problem
, injuring
show examples
 others.

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Task response
Score: 4. Your answer is much too short. Write at least 250 words. You need explain how far you agree, not only say that you agree.
Task response
Add a main point about jail. For example, say if jail is still needed for people who hurt others or do very bad acts.
Task response
Give one clear example. For example, a person can learn a work skill in jail, get a job after jail, and then not do crime again.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a simple 4-part plan: 1) say your view, 2) explain why training helps, 3) explain if jail is needed, 4) give a short end.
Coherence and cohesion
Make shorter sentences. Some sentences have many ideas and are hard to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words: First, Also, However, For example, In the end.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat “bad people” many times. Say “some criminals” or “people who did crime” instead.
Task response
You give a clear view: you agree that school and job training can help criminals.
Task response
You give two useful reasons: work and study can fill free time, and they can give better life chances.
Coherence and cohesion
Your ideas have a clear order: your view first, then reasons, then the past life of some criminals.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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