IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In today's dynamic job market,
decision making
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decision-making
 in
work
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the work
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 culture has sparked ongoing debate.
However
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,
while
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 some argue that only managers should make key
decisions
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 in the
company
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 because they have the experience and vision to access
broader
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a broader
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 perspective of the
company
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. I believe that
employees
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 should be included in the decision-making
process
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, as it directly boosts
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employees moral
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employees' morale
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 and job satisfaction. On the one hand, managers have profound experience
which
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, which
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 is beneficial for the
organization
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organisation
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. When they make any
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decisions
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decisions,
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 not only
it
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does it
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enables
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enable
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 broader strategic planning
but
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, but
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also
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 their decision bring positive outcomes to the
company
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.
In addition
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,
managers role
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managers' roles
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 include great leadership and
have
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having
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 a clear vision of
top-down
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a top-down
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 approach
which
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, which
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 aligns with
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company's
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the company's
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 long-term goals without being influenced by individual biases.
Therefore
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, these reasons are beneficial when there is a
centralized
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centralised
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 decision-making approach.
On the other hand
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,
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employees
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employees'
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 involvement in
decisions
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enhance
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enhances
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 their morale. Staff feel more confident when their voice
getting
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is
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 heard and their input
are
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is
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 being valued in
decision-making
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the decision-making
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process
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.
Moreover
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, collaboration
decisions
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 can lead to
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employees
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employees'
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 productivity
which
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, which
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 directly affects
in
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apply
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performance and job satisfaction. They will
also
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 get familiar with the
end to end
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end-to-end
process
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 of the
organization
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organisation
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 rather than having limited knowledge about the
company
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.
Thus
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, the upsides of collaborative
decisions
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 clearly add more value when it comes it employemeny satisfaction and
moral
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morale
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To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
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 centralized decision making
process
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 has positive implications when it comes to the
organization
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organisation's
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 outcomes.
However
Linking Words
,
employees
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involve
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involved
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 in
decision-making
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the decision-making
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process
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more important , as it
direct
Replace the word
directly
 affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their performance and productivity.

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task response
Score: 6. The answer covers both views and gives your opinion, but the ideas need more detail. Explain how a manager’s experience leads to a better business decision. Also explain how worker input can improve a real decision, such as a change in work hours, a new product, or customer service.
task response
Add one clear example for each side. This will make your points stronger and more complete. For example, managers may need to act fast in a crisis; workers may know daily problems that managers do not see.
task response
Make your opinion more exact. You can say that managers should make final decisions, but workers should be asked for ideas before important decisions are made.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Your paragraph order is easy to follow, but some sentences are hard to read because the links inside them are not clear. Use shorter sentences and one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking phrases are not used in a natural way. For example, change “collaboration decisions” to “joint decisions” or “decisions made together”. Change “when it comes it” to “when it comes to”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. Use “decision-making”, “workers”, and “managers” throughout. Do not change too often between “employees”, “staff”, and “workers” unless needed.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph should restate both sides and then give one final view in a direct way. Avoid starting a new sentence with “However” after a full stop when the idea is part of the same contrast.
task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view: workers should be part of making decisions.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant. You explain that managers may have more experience, while workers may feel more valued.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “In addition”, “Moreover”, and “To conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • top-down approach
  • hierarchical structure
  • grassroots level
  • strategic planning
  • on-the-ground experience
  • inclusive management
  • employee engagement
  • democratic process
  • transparency
  • cohesion
  • morale
  • practical insights
  • long-term goals
  • mutual respect
  • resistance to change
  • team dynamics
  • broader perspective
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