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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the percentage of adults in urban and rural areas who took part in four free time activities in 1990 and 2010.(rewrite)

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The table illustrates the proportions of adults in
countrysides
Replace the word
countryside
 areas who took four types of activities in 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear to see that the reading activity reported the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in both urban and rural
,
Check wording
areas, while
show examples
while
Linking Words
 photography recorded the lowest amount among all these
excercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
show examples
 throughout the period. In 2010,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 the data reading reaching the biggest
number
Use synonyms
in
Verb problem
was reached in
show examples
 both urban and rural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas,
show examples
 with just 78,
whereas
Linking Words
 animated play reported the smallest proportion
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 10
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 only
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
area
Use synonyms
 in the same year.
In addition
Linking Words
, remaining the activities
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 playing, and photography
displys
Correct your spelling
displays
 that the
majorty
Correct your spelling
majority
 rose in rural
Use synonyms
area
Check wording
areas
show examples
 with just around 26, but shows the lowest in urban
Use synonyms
area
Check wording
areas
show examples
 with no more than 14. In 1990, reading was the most common activity used in both urban and rural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas,
show examples
 with approximately 71
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the figure shows that photography displays the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 in urban
area
Use synonyms
 with just 7, and increased in rural
Use synonyms
area
Check wording
areas,
show examples
 with just around 14.
According to
Linking Words
 the
data
Add a comma
data,
show examples
 the remaining two activites illustrates the
moderst
Correct your spelling
moderate
 amounts between 10 by animated play in urban and 26 by playing in rural. To sum
that
Verb problem
up
show examples
, reading was the most common method used during the period, with recoding the highest
number
Use synonyms
more
Punctuation problem
, more
show examples
 than 78, which is considered the highest
number
Use synonyms
 among all these activities and over the period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, area with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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