IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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It is widely acknowledged that governments'
investment
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 strategies play a crucial role in nations' development.
While
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 a significant number of people believe that spending money on the
arts
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 wastes the government's resources, others argue that
investment
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 in public
services
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 must be prioritised by the government. I strongly agree that the authorities should allocate more resources to public
services
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,
such
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 as
healthcare
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 and
transportation
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, because sufficient funds can improve the
healthcare
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 industry's efficiency and vehicle safety. On the one hand, funding
healthcare
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 facilities can provide efficient and affordable
services
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 for each citizen who needs proper treatment,
while
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investment
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 in the
arts
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 only meets the needs of some parts of society .
This
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 is because tools
such
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 as MRI or CT scanners can detect diseases like cancer at an early stage, when treatment is more effective and less costly.
For example
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, in the UK, NHS
investment
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 in early cancer screening has been linked to significantly higher survival rates over the past decade.
Therefore
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, prioritising
healthcare
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 funding directly improves
citizens
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' chances of survival —
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 outcome the
arts
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 cannot offer.
On the other hand
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, public
transportation
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 requires more consideration than
arts
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 complexes and halls. In order to protect
citizens
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 from accidents and shorten their commuting
time
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,
citizens
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 need to use safe vehicles and a well-connected
transportation
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 network. Well-maintained roads and reliable public transport reduce accident rates and help workers, students, and elderly
citizens
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 travel safely and on
time
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.
For instance
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, expanding a city's metro or bus network can cut commuting
time
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 significantly, allowing more people — not just office workers — to reach hospitals, schools, or jobs safely and efficiently.
Therefore
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,
transportation
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investment
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 brings measurable, everyday benefits to nearly all
citizens
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, something
arts
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 funding cannot achieve to the same extent. In conclusion,
although
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 many people believe that
investment
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 in the
arts
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 can provide many opportunities to spend their leisure
time
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, I firmly maintain that the government must prioritise
investment
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 in public
services
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 because it enables
citizens
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 to get proper treatment in a hospital or ensures their safety in public
transportation
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.

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task response
Your view is clear: public services should get more money. You give two main reasons, health care and transport, and both are linked to the question.
task response
To make the answer stronger, explain the other side in a more fair way. For example, say that art can help jobs, travel, and mental health, then show why health care and transport should still come first.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims. Instead of saying art cannot offer these gains, say art offers different gains but is less urgent when basic public needs are not met.
task response
Your examples fit well. The UK health example is useful, but give a little more detail or use a more general example if you cannot show clear facts.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph on health care, one on transport, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a small space after full stops. For example, write 'on time. For instance' rather than 'on time.For instance'.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are repeated, such as 'Therefore'. Try other simple links, such as 'As a result', 'For this reason', or 'This means that'.
coherence and cohesion
The first main paragraph is clear, but the phrase 'some parts of society' is not exact. Say 'a smaller group of people' or name the group you mean.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the key terms steady. Use 'public transport' or 'transportation' in the same way through the essay, and use 'arts funding' rather than changing between 'arts complexes and halls' and 'the arts'.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep your main view clear from the start to the end.
task response
The health care point is well explained: early checks can find illness sooner and can help save lives.
task response
The transport point gives clear daily effects, such as safer trips and less time spent on the way to work, school, or hospital.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, an explanation, an example, and a short result.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly brings back your two main reasons and matches the view in the opening.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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