IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Use synonyms
students
Capitalize the word
Students
show examples
 are increasingly
excposed
Correct your spelling
exposed
 to intense academic pressure
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; therefore
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therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 few
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 believe that practical subjects
such
Linking Words
 as physical
education
Use synonyms
 and cooking skills must be removed from schools.
from
Correct determiner usage
From the
show examples
 above
notion
Punctuation problem
notion,
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i completlly
Correct your spelling
I completely
 disagree and discuss both views in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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 paragraphs.
to
Capitalize the word
To
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 commence with, physical
education
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in student life aid them to maintain
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 physical well being, to ellaborate it, if
school
Correct subject-verb agreement
schools
show examples
 add physical
education
Use synonyms
 as
topic
Correct article usage
a topic
show examples
 in schcool curricullem teacher can teach them about them for nutritious diet
where
Punctuation problem
, where
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 can pupil can take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their healthy lifestyle
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
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 obtain
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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 to play in
collabration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
 and
self discipline
Correct your spelling
self-discipline
.
Linking Words
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 addition, cookery classes
also
Linking Words
 have importance in student health life equips with
real world
Correct your spelling
real-world
 abilities.
to
Capitalize the proper name
To
show examples
 explain it, culinary
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 makes
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
show examples
self independent
Correct your spelling
self-independent
 in
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 world
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as learn to cook
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 balaced diet help them to
keep
Verb problem
stay
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 away from junk food and disease
free
Correct word choice
apply
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.
shifting
Capitalize the word
Shifting
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 toward the
later
Use the right word
latter
show examples
 notion, exclude non academic subjects from institition lead
students
Use synonyms
 to sedentry lifestyle
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical awareness
Punctuation problem
. Students tend
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 tends to
more indulge
Correct word order
indulge more
show examples
 in
electronices
Replace the word
electronic
 items in their hours
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them to obessity direct effect on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 health. academic knowledge
aid
Correct subject-verb agreement
aids
show examples
 them to
succedd
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in grades
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 without any physical activity got academic burnout and follow up
them towards
Change preposition
with
show examples
 depression,
Linking Words
to
Capitalize the word
To
show examples
 conclude it, physical
adn
Correct your spelling
and
 culinary
education
Use synonyms
 is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 for
students
Use synonyms
 in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 young age cater them sense of team work discipline
moreover
Linking Words
 improve their lifestyle.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph with one simple sentence: “I completely disagree because these subjects support health and daily life.” Then keep each body paragraph linked to this view.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For PE, explain how exercise can help students feel calm, focus better in class, and avoid stress. For cooking, explain how it can help young people make safe, healthy food when they live alone.
task response
Use a clear example for each point. For example, a student who learns to cook may choose a simple healthy meal instead of fast food. A student who joins PE may sleep better and have more energy for study.
task response
The paragraph about the other view is not fully clear. Say why some people want to cut these classes, such as more time for exam study, and then clearly explain why this is not a good idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simpler paragraph plan: first paragraph gives your view; second paragraph explains PE; third paragraph explains cooking; last paragraph repeats your view. This will make the order more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and join too many ideas. Split them into short sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they show a clear link. Good simple choices are “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear phrases such as “from above notion” and “shifting toward the later notion”. Use direct phrases like “Some people think”, “However”, and “In my view”.
task response
You clearly disagree with taking PE and cooking out of school. Your main ideas stay close to the question.
task response
You explain useful points about health, teamwork, self-control, and being able to cook for yourself.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main body parts, and an ending. This makes your view easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “therefore”, “in addition”, and “to conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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