IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter describe the situation explain your problems and why it is difficult to work say what kind of accommodation you would prefer You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Dear Sir or Madam, Recently, a new person moved
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the room with me.His name is John Smith
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 his
problem
Use synonyms
 is partying .He invites strangers
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 our room
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are making a lot of noise by playing loud music ,dancing and screaming. My
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 situation is the fact that they create a poor environment for studying .The reason is that because of the noise
I
Punctuation problem
, I
show examples
can not prepare for my classes , I can not do my homework
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 usually makes me
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
go to the library for a peaceful place
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the
problem
Use synonyms
 is I spend around 45 minutes
to go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the
libary
Correct your spelling
library
 and
come
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
 back because it is a long drive. I request taking care of
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 by removing John and
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
 the place to somebody else. Another way of solving
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 is speaking directly to John and
explain
Wrong verb form
explaining
show examples
 the
consequnsces
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of his behaviour and
dive
Verb problem
give
show examples
 him a second chance. With respect, Dragos

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Describe the room problem in more detail. Say when the parties happen and how often they happen.
task response
State clearly what room you want instead, such as a quiet single room or a room with a student who studies.
task response
Ask the officer to act soon. This makes your request more clear and direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use short, clear sentences. Start each main point in a new paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words such as "because", "also", "however", and "therefore" to show how your ideas connect.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph: the situation, the effect on your work, and your request.
task response
You explain the noise problem and say how it stops you from studying.
task response
You give two possible actions for the college to take.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear opening, main paragraphs, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas follow a sensible order: problem, effect, then request.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: