IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Water is a natural resource that should always be free. Governments should ban the sale of bottled water. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that
water
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 is an essential natural component
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it must be
uncharegable
Correct your spelling
unchangeable
.
Therefore
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, an argument states that bottled
water
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 must be forbidden by authorities. From my perspective, I disagree to a large extent with the given statement.
Initially
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, the extraction of
water
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 requires high finances and consistent operation, which effectively means not selling it will potentially cause
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
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 burden to small and medium enterprises and governments.
In addition
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, not all natural resources are for human use
,
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;
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 some projects and enterprises demand
water
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 for their own use, whether for electricity, telecommunications, or even industrial purposes. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in today's global economy, where large corporations and factories need huge amounts of
water
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 to operate .
Consequently
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,
water
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 should not be provided to them without payment
Furthermore
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, households could replace
bottles
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 with tap
water
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 as an economical alternative,
whereas
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 plastic
bottles
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 could be utilised in urgent situations.
Moreover
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, in some
areas
Punctuation problem
areas,
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 bottled
water
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 is more practical and suitable,
such
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 as athletic activities and exhibits. The primary reason is that some people do not have the financial capability
of bringing
Change preposition
to bring
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 cleaners, so they find plastic
bottles
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 more convenient and efficient.
For instance
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, small businesses and clubs purchase
water
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bottles
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 because they cannot afford
hiring
Wrong verb form
to hire
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 cleaners and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 them the minimum wage. In conclusion, despite individuals holding diverse points of view, I firmly believe that a natural resource should not always be free, and the idea of banning the trade of
water
Use synonyms
bottles
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 is not a good procedure.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that safe water for daily life should be low-cost or free, but bottled water may still be sold. This directly answers both parts of the topic.
task response
Develop each main point with a closer link to bottled water. The cost of taking, cleaning, and moving water can support sale of bottled water, but water used by factories is a different issue. Keep the focus on the ban.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, bottled water can be needed after a flood, on a long trip, or where tap water is not safe. Explain why these cases make a full ban hard.
task response
Some claims need more care. Water is used in power and factory work, but this does not by itself show that bottled water should be sold. Add the missing link between the idea and your view.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body part. The first body part can be about the cost of safe bottled water. The second can be about times when bottles are useful. Do not mix factory water with water sold in shops.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences clearer. For example: “Bottled water is not only the water itself. Firms must clean it, test it, put it in bottles, and move it to shops.” Then explain why a ban may cause problems.
coherence and cohesion
The point about cleaners is not easy to follow. It is unclear why people must bring cleaners when they use tap water, or why clubs need bottled water to avoid hiring cleaners. Replace this with a more direct point about safe drinking water and easy use.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your view, which is good. Make it stronger by briefly naming your two best reasons, such as cost and need in places without safe tap water.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep this view to the end: you do not agree that bottled water should be banned.
task response
You give two main reasons: water supply has costs, and bottled water can be useful in some places.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Initially”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your plan.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Water
  • Natural resource
  • Free
  • Governments
  • Ban
  • Sale
  • Bottled water
  • Access
  • Clean
  • Inequality
  • Profit
  • Pollution
  • Environmental
  • Concern
  • Community
  • Health
  • Disease
  • Alternative
  • Public
  • Support
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