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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe buildings should be built in a way that serves their purpose rather than just look beautiful. Others, however, say buildings should represent art too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
In contemporary society, housing plays an essential role in people’s standard of living. It is a contentious issue whether
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 with basic amenities is beneficial or
decroative builidings
Correct your spelling
decorative buildings
 are far-reaching.
Although
Linking Words
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 is
afforadable
Correct your spelling
affordable
, I strongly believe that buildings with art broaden individuals’
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
The compelling factor of building with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
architectural designs is that it allows individuals to create an imagination skills. Many people tend to feel not only stress but
also
Linking Words
 tired after
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
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shedule
Correct your spelling
schedule
, so decorating wall pictures
driven
Wrong verb form
drives
show examples
 them to develop
habit
Correct article usage
a habit
show examples
 of
drawings
Replace the word
drawing
. In the long run, it enhances thinking skills and
also
Linking Words
 makes
peaceful
Correct article usage
a peaceful
show examples
 environment in the
house
Use synonyms
 which faclitates to boost emotional wellbeing.
For instance
Linking Words
, many urban cities in an Indian
houses
Use synonyms
 are often contructed with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paintings and carvings based on
customers
Check wording
the customer's
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 choice, that expand their knowledge of paintings and
also
Linking Words
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their
cultrual
Correct your spelling
cultural
 value.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
buidling
Correct your spelling
building
 with wall paintings allows individuals to gain insights into art.
Body paragraph 2
Despite the fact that architectural
houses
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 boost
customers
Check wording
customers'
show examples
 innovative skills, many assert that simple
houses
Use synonyms
 contribute to live budget friendly.
This
Linking Words
 is primarily because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 many low-income families are more likely to
struggles
Wrong verb form
struggle
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 to maintain their living expenses, thereby, constructing cost-effective
houses
Use synonyms
 with fulfilling their purpose reduces prices on materials.
Linking Words
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach allows everyone to
deserves
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
 a basic standard of living.
For instance
Linking Words
, many families from countrysides live in just
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spacious
houses
Use synonyms
 fulfilling their basic
necessitis
Correct your spelling
necessities
 of living, which allows them to maintain
their
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 healthy diet.
Thus
Linking Words
, adopting
this
Linking Words
 approach enables people to strengthen
physical
Correct determiner usage
their physical
show examples
 and mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, even though simple
houses
Use synonyms
 are cheaper and
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 quality of life, I strongly believe that
Use synonyms
house
Correct subject-verb agreement
houses
show examples
 with arts boraden individuals’ creativity and innovative ideas. Ultimately, it builds
prosperous
Correct article usage
a prosperous
show examples
 and sustainable society.

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task response
Make your main ideas closer to the question. The first view is about buildings that serve a purpose. Explain more about safety, space, low cost, and easy use. The second view is about art. Explain how art can give a city its own look, show its past, and make public places more pleasant.
task response
Some ideas are not fully clear. For example, wall pictures do not always make people start drawing. Use a more direct point: art in a building can make people feel proud of their home or city.
task response
Develop each example with clear facts. Instead of saying that paintings expand knowledge, explain what people can see or learn from them, such as local history, old stories, or local art.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but make it more balanced. Say that a building must first be safe and useful, while art should be added when it does not make the cost too high.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, stay with art in buildings. In the second, stay with useful and low-cost homes. Avoid moving from art to drawing habits or from low cost to diet without a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler links between ideas. For example: “First, useful buildings meet basic needs.” Then: “However, art can also add value.” This makes the two views easier to compare.
coherence and cohesion
Make the topic sentence of each body paragraph clear. For example: “On the one hand, buildings should first meet people’s daily needs.” “On the other hand, artistic design can improve people’s lives and cities.”
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the one before it. In the second body part, explain how lower building costs lead to lower house prices, and then how this helps low-income families. This will make the paragraph flow better.
task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. Your main idea is easy to find: art in buildings has value.
task response
You use examples about homes in India and families in the countryside. These help show what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Although”, “For instance”, “Despite the fact that”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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