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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph line below shows the percentage of workers in five European countries taking fixed stays or more sickness absences per year from 1991 to 2001.

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The given graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of workers with illness absence in five different European countries between 1991 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
whitin
Correct your spelling
within
 the fine countries,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
, France and Sweden are the ones with
more
Check wording
the highest number of
show examples
 sick workers per year,
while
Linking Words
 the UK and Germany have the
lower
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentages. From 1991
and
Change preposition
to
show examples
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
show examples
 Germany's
percentage
Use synonyms
 of sickness absences per year remained stable
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 the 1.4%, with small fluctuations.
Germans
Correct word choice
German
show examples
 employees have the least
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of absences compared to the other countries, followed by UK workers, with around 2.5% of absence days. In
1991
Punctuation problem
1991,
show examples
 Sweden's
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
workes
Correct your spelling
workers
 with illness absence was 3%. It remained almost stable until 1995, when it started increasing, overtaking France in 1996, and
piking
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peaking
show examples
 at arounr 4.7% in 2001. France
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand, followed the
oppite
Correct your spelling
opposite
 trend
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Sweden. In
1991
Punctuation problem
1991,
show examples
 the graph shows a
percetage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of 5%
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 remained unchanged until 1992,
then
Linking Words
 it dropped to almost 4% in 1993
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it continued to decrease, hitting rock bottom in 1996,
then
Linking Words
 remaining stable around the 3% of absences per year.
Finally
Linking Words
, the Netherlands in 1991 had a
percentage
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 of around 4.6%, which
rised
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 to around 5.4% in 1992.
Then
Linking Words
 it dropped
continuosly
Correct your spelling
continuously
 until 1996, reaching 4%, to
then
Linking Words
 rise again to more than 5%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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