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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the avarage monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

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The line graph below shows the avarage monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The given line graph
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the
every month
Correct word choice
monthly
show examples
temperature
Use synonyms
 in a year
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it's measured in
celcius
Correct your spelling
Celsius
 in three different cities(Paris,
Dubai
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
)
Overall
Linking Words
,
Dubai
Use synonyms
 has recorded hightest
temperature
Use synonyms
 in most of the months
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it's clear that Paris and
Sydney
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 major noticeable differences
in throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the year, except
may
Capitalize the proper name
May
show examples
,
june
Correct your spelling
June,
 and sep. Looking at the data in detail,
Dubai
Use synonyms
's
temperature
Use synonyms
 in jan was
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 under 20
celcius
Correct your spelling
Celsius
 and witnessed a steady growth in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 7 months from 20 to around 35
celcius
Correct your spelling
Celsius
. From the month august
Dubai
Use synonyms
 gradually decreased from 35 to over 20 degrees
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 at
very
Correct article usage
the very
show examples
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
Sydney
Use synonyms
 recorded
high
Correct word choice
a higher
show examples
temperature
Use synonyms
 than
Dubai
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Paris and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 started with 20 degrees in
differences
Check wording
difference
show examples
(5,25 respectively). The difference between them
decrease slow
Wrong verb form
decreased slowly
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 from
may
Capitalize the proper name
May
show examples
 to
june
Correct your spelling
June,
 both showed
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
temperature
Use synonyms
 and no big difference till sep. From sep to
dec
Correct your spelling
December,
 both took part in various
direction
Fix the agreement mistake
directions
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, dubai, sydney with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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