IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Modern technology is used in many workplaces today. How do you think technology changed the ways people work? Do you think there any disodvantages of relying on technology at work?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
technology
Correct word choice
advanced technology
show examples
 being advanced is used in many ways and fields.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a new option at work helps a lot
a
Change preposition
for a
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person or a company to be faster and able to solve different issues that come up,
as a result
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 of changing the way people work
computers
Change preposition
with computers
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 and gadgets come with many
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 but
also
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 with many
more
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
disadvantages.Some people can become too dependent on their devices and the internet,relying on light, and different apps could slow down
your
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 productivity.
Moreover
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spending
Punctuation problem
, spending
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 too much time on gadgets can reduce
face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
 communication.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, I think
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 a great opportunity to have the possibility of having a gadget that could help you with your job, research or school. Personally
I,
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, I
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 strongly believe
,
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apply
show examples
 that devices can be really useful for anyone. For
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
,I use my tablet in school as a notebook, so
its
Use the right word
it's
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 so much easier to make notes, take photos of things on my board and use them to study at home.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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,these platforms and
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 digital devices that help hospitals, schools and other institutions
,
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apply
show examples
 are a great opportunity for us humans.
For instance
Linking Words
, because of these
technologies
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technologies,
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 our healthcare system has become more efficient,
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also
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and
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 the school platforms are helpful for all the students, making sure that they understand the subject clearly.
Conclusion
Overall
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,gadgets help us humans in many different situations and areas, even though they might have different disadvantages
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at
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; at
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 the end of the
day
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day,
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 they still make the world easier for us.

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task response
Give more space to the bad sides of technology at work. The question asks about them directly, but your body parts mainly explain good points. Add one full part about problems such as work stopping when the internet or power fails, loss of jobs, data safety, or less talk between workers.
task response
Keep examples about work. Your tablet at school is clear, but it is not a work example. You could say that office staff use tablets to take notes in meetings, or that nurses use digital files to check patient details.
task response
Explain each point more fully. For example, do not only say that people rely on apps. Explain that when a system stops working, workers may not be able to finish tasks, so work can slow down.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph. State that technology has changed work by making tasks faster and by allowing people to work and share information online, but that too much use can cause problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. A clear plan could be: first, ways technology changes work; second, the bad sides of relying on it. This will make the answer more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences join too many ideas. Break them into short sentences. For example: “Technology has changed the way people work. Computers and other devices help workers finish tasks faster. However, relying on them too much can cause problems.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully and add a space after commas. For example: “However, this can be a problem.” Also write “For example,” instead of “For exemple,” and “advantages” instead of “adventages.”
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain that technology can make work faster and help people deal with problems. You also give two clear bad points: people may depend too much on devices, and they may talk face to face less.
task response
Your examples are linked to the topic. The tablet example shows how a device can help with notes and study, and the hospital and school examples show how technology can make services work better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For instance”, and “Overall” help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your main view: technology makes life and work easier, even though it has some bad sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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