IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe governments should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider roads are the better way to reduce traffic congestion. discussion both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
. It is indubitable that
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion is a growing concern in many parts of the world. In order to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem, some individuals suggest that motorways should be made, but others think that
train
Use synonyms
 and
subways line
Check wording
subway lines
show examples
 should be made.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
 both opinion and
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that both
methods
Use synonyms
 have
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
 to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion.
Body paragraph 1
There are many reasons why people are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 expanding
roads
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it could
be reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams more natural way than the use of other
methods
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
very
Rephrase
much
show examples
 cheaper than the
subways
Check wording
subway
show examples
 lines. In many
countries
Use synonyms
have not
Correct word order
that do not have
show examples
 much money for reducing
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams, it is very helpful for those
countries
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can be helped for increasing private vehicles
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the government
is
Verb problem
can
show examples
 save money for the other sectors,
Such
Linking Words
 as health
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 education.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, those who argue for
train
Use synonyms
 and subway lines
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 give reasons as follows. They say that it is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 essential method to improve
Use synonyms
roads
Check wording
road
show examples
 conditions. There are many
countries
Use synonyms
do
Correct pronoun usage
that do
show examples
 not have
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 space for expanding
roads
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Bangladesh is a small country and
population
Correct determiner usage
its population
show examples
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 bigger than
the
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
 other
largest
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Bangladesh
has
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
enough
Verb problem
have enough
show examples
spaces
Check wording
space
show examples
 for improving
size
Correct article usage
the size
show examples
 of
roads
Use synonyms
,
train
Use synonyms
 and subways are good
methods
Use synonyms
 for those
countries
Use synonyms
. In many
countries
Use synonyms
, they have
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
received advantages by using subway and
train
Use synonyms
 systems.
Conclusion
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it could be helped for reducing the number of private cars
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
roads
Use synonyms
 and decrease transport costs. People are
encourage
Replace the word
encouraged
 to use public transport for quality and cost efficiency. I believe that both
methods
Use synonyms
 should
be reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams.

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task response
Give a clearer opinion. You say both ways can help, but explain which way should come first, or say when each way is best. For example, trains may be best in big, crowded cities, while wider roads may help in small towns.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. The point that wider roads are cheaper needs more detail. Also explain why more roads may bring more cars later, while public transport can move many people at one time.
task response
Use examples that directly support each point. Your Bangladesh example is useful, but add a clear link: because land is limited, underground trains can carry people without taking more road space.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: state the main idea, explain it, give an example, then link it to traffic. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, “As a result, it can be helped for increasing private vehicles” does not match the aim of reducing traffic. Say clearly how the idea affects traffic.
coherence and cohesion
Write a stronger last paragraph. Restate your view and give the main reason for it. Do not add new ideas there.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words, such as “traffic jams”, “roads”, and “methods”. You can also use “congestion”, “public transport”, “rail lines”, and “road space”.
task response
You discuss both sides: wider roads and train or subway lines. You also give your own view that both can help.
task response
You use Bangladesh as an example to show why some places may not have space for wider roads.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts for each view, and a final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “Furthermore” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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