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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people's way of life. Other believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Humans argue over
that
Correct word choice
whether the
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climate
Use synonyms
 has the greatest effect on
people
Use synonyms
's way to live;
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe that the
economy
Use synonyms
 of the region has
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
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 effect
over
Change preposition
on
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Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
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 lifestyle. I support that
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 has impacted human
beeing
Check wording
beings'
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 lifestyle
than
Rephrase
more than
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 the
climate
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 itself.
Body paragraph 1
In my opinion, rich
people
Use synonyms
 can easily get adapted with the
climate
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,
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can afford the electricity bills and
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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regulate their house's temperature to keep themselves warm. Like
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in cold States up north
Punctuation problem
,
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by exemple, whenever it is
cold
Punctuation problem
cold,
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 they can travel to tropical states or other countries for vacation. On the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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other hand, residents in tropical countries can use AC to cool
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 down.
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money
Capitalize the word
Money
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 gives power, after health
Use synonyms
money
Punctuation problem
, money
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 is very important in
people
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Body paragraph 2
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 with low income have limited
options
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 in
life
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, live pay check on pay check affect
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
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 mental health. So, for the
climate
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 issue they are several
options
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
. The comparison between
climate
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 and
economy
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 is not balanced because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the
economy
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impacted
Wrong verb form
impacts
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people
Use synonyms
's
life
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 easily than the
climate
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.
Conclusion
Therefore
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 strongly support that the
economy
Use synonyms
 has
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
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 effect
in
Change preposition
on
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Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's lives
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life
Use synonyms
. Having
money
Use synonyms
 gives different
options
Use synonyms
.
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 with low income have limited
options
Use synonyms
. With
Use synonyms
money
Add a comma
money,
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 you can set up for the weather
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and deal with some situations.

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task response
You give a clear view: money and the local economy can help people deal with weather. However, you need discuss the climate view more fully. Explain how hot, cold, rain, or dry land can change work, homes, food, clothes, travel, and daily life.
task response
Your main point about rich and poor people is useful, but it is too narrow. Add one full paragraph that shows why climate may have a very strong effect, even when people have money. For example, very dry places may have little water, and very cold places may need more heat.
task response
Give a more direct answer to both parts of the question. First explain the climate side. Then explain the economy side. After that, say why you think the economy has a greater effect overall.
task response
Use examples with clear detail. The examples about air cooling, heating, and travel fit your point. Explain how these things change a person's day, such as where they live, what job they do, and how much they spend.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and an ending, which is good. Make each paragraph do one job. Do not put the climate point and the economy point together without clear links.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in a clear way: 'On the one hand' for climate, 'On the other hand' for the economy, and 'In my view' for your own answer. Do not use 'Therefore' many times, as it makes the flow less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated, such as money giving people more options. Say this once clearly, then add a new reason or example instead of saying it again.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point before moving on. For example, after saying that low pay limits choices, explain why this makes the effect of weather harder to manage. This will make your argument easier to follow.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays the same through the essay.
task response
The examples of heating, air cooling, and travel are linked to your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs and include a final answer that repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic order: opening, reasons, and ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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