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Writing Samples
Band 5

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spent most of the time indoors and have little exposure to the nature. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature? Give reasons of your answers and give relevant example of your experience.

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Introduction
One of the most pressing issues in recent years is
the
Correct word choice
that
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 most
children
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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a large amount of time on indoor activities
instead
Linking Words
 of enjoying
nature
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 and exercising. I consider that
children
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 should do outdoor activities and exercise regularly for their
health
Punctuation problem
health,
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 as regular exposure to
nature
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 and sunlight helps their physical and mental well-being.
Body paragraph 1
One of the primary reasons why
children
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 should engage in outdoor play and spend time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
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 is that
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nature
Replace the word
natural
 environments can help
children
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 to
sattle
Use the right word
settle
show examples
 down emotionally and reduce stress.
For example
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, the colour greem have a positive impact on emotional regulation, which means that
children
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 who are regularly exposed to green spaces tend to be calm and develop greater resilience.
Furthermore
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, regular outdoor activities can promote
children
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's growth and physical
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 during formative periods.
Therefore
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, having access to green spaces enable childrent to develop greater physical health and regulate their emotions effectively.
Body paragraph 2
Another essential
reaons
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reason
 for
children
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 to appreciate
nature
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 is that green surroundings can encourage
children
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 to enhance creativity and problem-solving skills.
This
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 is mainly because
children
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 can actively use their bodies and natural materials to develop more creative ideas in natural environments.
As a result
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,
this
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 can stimulate their
creatively
Replace the word
creativity
 and imagination. A good example of
this
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 is that my parents prefer to send their
children
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 to
nature
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-based education,
such
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 as Montessori
schools
Punctuation problem
schools,
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 where
children
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 learn to admire natural surroundings and recognise the benefit of
edcuation
Correct your spelling
education
 in
nature
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that green environments can provide several
marits
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merits
 for
children
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 in terms of their mental health and physical well-being.
Therefore
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,
educatioanal
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educational
 institutions encourage
children
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 to be
exposure
Wrong verb form
exposed
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
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 and
execrise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 regularly.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question more fully. You explain why nature is good, but add more about how children can learn to understand and value it.
task response
Use one clear personal example. The example about your parents is not clear because it says “their children”. Say what you did, saw, or learned in a park, garden, school trip, or outdoor class.
task response
Make the main ideas more complete. For example, explain how time in nature can teach children to care for plants, animals, and the world around them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make each main point more direct at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “Therefore” and “As a result” are useful, but do not use them too often. Also make sure the next sentence clearly follows the first one.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body part is about health and feelings, while the second is about creativity. This is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
In the final paragraph, clearly restate both main ideas: health and feelings, and creative thinking. Then end with a direct answer to the question.
task response
You give clear reasons for outdoor time: better health, less stress, and more creative thinking.
task response
Your ideas are relevant to children and nature, and you explain why green spaces can help them.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organised with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Topic sentences such as “One of the primary reasons” and “Another essential reason” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • mental and emotional well-being
  • calming effect
  • reduce stress
  • sense of responsibility
  • conservation
  • protecting the environment
  • physically active
  • obesity
  • related health issues
  • sparks creativity
  • sensory-rich environment
  • cognitive growth
  • problem-solving skills
  • educational outcomes
  • outdoor learning experiences
  • tangible and engaging
  • appreciation of nature
  • environmental awareness
  • natural world
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