IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The supplied graph represents the proportion of tourists to England who went certain attractions in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.

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The line graph gives information about the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of travellers to England who went to four certain sights : art gallery, pavilion,
pier
Use synonyms
 and festival in Brighton from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of tourists who visited
pavilion
Correct article usage
the pavilion
show examples
 showed a significant increase, but it fell before the end of the given period.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the proportion of art gallery visitors reached a peak before it experienced a rapid decline.
Pier
Use synonyms
 and festival percentages fluctuated in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 range over the
20 years
Correct word choice
20-year
show examples
 timeframe. In 1980,the rate of pavilion visitors was about 22%, which peaked dramatically to more than double its starting point in 1995 .It
then
Linking Words
 decreased gradually to exactly 30% in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, tourists going to art
gallary
Correct your spelling
galleries
 rose from about 20% in 1980 to
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
twice as much in 1985,but it eventually decreased to the same beginning point in 1990 and continued
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
declining until it reached roughly 10% in 2010. Travellers going to
Use synonyms
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
show examples
 and festival figures experienced ups and downs throughout the years.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
show examples
 was the least popular attraction
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tourists in England.Its figure began at the lowest point among all other categories
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 10%
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 fluctuated until it ended at more than 20%.Whilst
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 festival
vistors
Check wording
visitors'
show examples
 numbers fluctuated until 2000,it
then
Linking Words
remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
 stable till the end of the timeframe.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pier with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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