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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In order to solve traffic problems government should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transport system. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

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Introduction
A suggested opinion to resolve traffic issues is imposing high taxes on vehicle owners for the purpose of using that money for developing public transportation systems and services.
This
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 essay will examine the merits and drawbacks of the presented solution.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, the quality of public transport will
enhance
Wrong verb form
be enhanced
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 after allocating the finances received from motor tax to the development of buses and trams;
in other words
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, individuals will be satisfied with switching from private cars to public transport.
In addition
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, fossil fuel consumption will drastically drop, the primary reason being that
instead
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 of 30 cars wasting non-renewable energy, vehicle owners
are
Wrong verb form
will be
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 transported on one large bus.
For instance
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, recent statistics from Riyadh College revealed that demand
on
Change preposition
for
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 petrol decreased by approximately 27 per cent after the operation of the metropolitan and buses across the city.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
this
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 decision will spread uncertainty toward car companies, because sales will decline after the application of that law; to put it differently, a large proportion of them will close their factories and leave the country, which will raise unemployment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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hence
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 the economy will face recession. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in Ireland, where the
consultants
Check wording
consultants'
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 board agreed to tax people owning a private vehicle.
As a result
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, 12 motor businesses departed from Ireland
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 21 thousand employees were dismissed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, tax imposition on car owners will heavily optimise public transportation services and reduce carbon emissions from cars.
However
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, it will harm the economy indirectly because motor companies will mostly leave and fire thousands of workers.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. Explain more fully why better public transport will cut traffic, not only fuel use. Also explain why job loss may happen and why this harm may be less or more important than the gain.
task response
Keep your main ideas close to the question. The question is about traffic, so add points such as fewer cars on the road, less time lost, and lower air pollution.
task response
Use examples with care. The Riyadh and Ireland cases sound very exact, but they are not explained. If you are not sure they are true, use a clear general example instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the link from each main point back to traffic clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one direct main idea. For example: 'One main benefit is that more people may use buses and trains.' Then explain it and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long. Split them into two shorter sentences so the cause and result are easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Words such as 'because', 'as a result', 'however', and 'therefore' are useful, but do not put too many ideas in one sentence.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of the plan, so the response stays on the topic.
task response
Your main benefits and harms are clear: better public transport and less fuel use, against possible job loss and harm to business.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning and ending, and the two body parts are easy to tell apart.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as 'Initially', 'In addition', 'However', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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