IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: Some people believe that the best way to solve the problem of traffic congestion in cities is to make public transport free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There are numerous pressing issues faced worldwide.
Traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion
in
Verb problem
is
show examples
 one
amongst
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them. It is suggested by some individuals that in order to control
traffic
Use synonyms
, the government should apply heavy duties on
private
Replace the word
privately
 owned
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of a given
scenario
Punctuation problem
scenario,
show examples
 followed by relevant illustrations.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with, there are numerous advantages of imposing
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
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 tax on private
vehicles
Use synonyms
.The most conspicuous is
smooth
Correct article usage
a smooth
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 and efficient journey.
This
Linking Words
 means
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 with less number of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 on
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
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 leads to reduced
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams and
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion, which results in reduced journey time and effective travel.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by GFBY
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 2024 enunciated that
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 applying heavy taxes on private cars, the number of cars on roads will
reduced
Verb problem
be reduced
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 by 75%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, utilising funds in
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 of public
transportation
Use synonyms
 will strengthen the infrastructure of public
transportation
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. To explain, renovating public infrastructure will result in improved quality of services provided by buses and trains.
Therefore
Linking Words
,the government should impose heavy duties on private
vehicles
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 and utilise that money in order to improve public transport to ensure effective journeys and quality service.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, on the conflicting
side
Add a comma
side,
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 there are some drawbacks as well. The first and foremost is the economic disadvantage.
This
Linking Words
 means
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
as
Correct word choice
that
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transportation
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in the growth of the economy and contributes a large amount of profit
resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
show examples
 in reduced revenue generation
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 in
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
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 of cars.Adding to
this
Linking Words
,
this
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 can
also
Linking Words
be acts
Wrong verb form
act
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 as a forced action by the government towards the public, as by doing
this
Linking Words
public
Punctuation problem
public,
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while
Linking Words
 travelling in public
Use synonyms
transportation
Punctuation problem
transportation,
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 lacks
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
comfort and security
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to uncomfortable and unsafe travels of individuals.
Body paragraph 3
To cite an example from my personal life, I do not feel safe and comfortable
while
Linking Words
 travelling in public
transportation
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 I do not prefer to travel with unknown people
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 after travelling in buses i feel exhausted and irritated.
Thus
Linking Words
 , neither the public
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 nor the economy is
benefitted
Correct your spelling
benefited
 from imposing heavy taxes on
private
Replace the word
privately
 owned
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 4
That being said ,
this
Linking Words
 scenario has both advantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as reduced travel time and good infrastructure and disadvantages
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 it not only affects the revenue generation, but
also
Linking Words
comfort
Correct article usage
the comfort
show examples
 of the public
Conclusion
.

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task response
The main problem is that the essay answers a different question. The topic asks if free public transport is the best way to cut traffic. Your essay talks about high tax on private cars. State your view on free buses and trains, and keep all main points linked to that idea.
task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph, such as whether you agree fully, partly, or disagree. Then use each body paragraph to explain why free public transport would help, or why other steps are also needed.
task response
Develop your ideas with direct reasons. For example, free travel may lead more people to leave cars at home, but it may also cost a lot and make buses and trains too full. Explain how each point affects city traffic.
task response
Use examples that fit the question. The survey about tax on cars does not support the idea of free public transport. A better example would show more people using buses or trains when ticket costs are removed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two main body parts, and an ending. However, the opening says you will discuss both sides, while the question asks for your own level of agreement. Make the plan and the answer match.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, you move from less traffic to tax money for public transport. These can work, but explain the link more clearly and return to the exact topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words carefully: “First”, “For example”, “However”, and “Therefore”. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence, as this makes the meaning hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph give a direct final view. At present, it only lists good and bad points about car taxes. Instead, clearly say whether free public transport is the best answer and briefly repeat your main reasons.
task response
You try to give reasons on both sides, including travel time, public transport quality, cost, comfort, and safety.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a basic essay shape with an introduction, body paragraphs, an example, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “For instance”, and “Therefore” show that you are trying to guide the reader through your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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